Sorry for all the complaining but I just don't feel like I can handle this sickness anymore. I have multiple things going on health wise, but some things are harder to accept than others. I feel that Fibromyalgia has stolen and taken over my life along with my other autoimmune diseases.
My brain and my heart wants to go out and enjoy life. Going on hikes, shopping, traveling, playing in the yard with my grandchildren, and so many other things. I would love to cook dinner, wash dishes, clean the house a little, and take a nice long hot shower and wash my hair really good and shave my legs; but I can't find the strength to do it. I can't do any of those things, I need assistance in the shower. My body is like NOPE not gonna let you. I'm gonna make you hurt all over and make your entire body burn and feel so exhausted it takes all your energy just to breathe; not to mention I'm going to cause you not to be able to tolerate hot, cold, or warm temperature. Your never gonna be relaxed and comfortable again.
On top of that I have muscle weakness worse on my left side and I have to use a walker to get around in my house. My legs and arms hurt so bad i can't even think about getting up and moving around. If I go outside of my house, lets say the yard or to the store on a rare once a month occasion, I have to use a wheelchair. It takes me about a week to recuperate from going to the doctor.
I want my life back so bad. Most days I cant help but to just cry not only from the pain but from the feeling that my life has been stolen from me and there isn't anything i can do about it. I am a fighter and a survivor I will NEVER give up and let my health problems win, but some days I do come very close.
I feel so depressed and trapped all the time. My kids and Champa say they understand and they mean well but I don't think they really have a clue as to what I go through everyday just to spend time with them. It is worth it though.
Doctors ask you to rate your pain on a scale of 0-10. Well my everyday normal is a 6-7. Most normal people would stay in bed all day or go to emergency room at those levels. I don't even remember the last time my pain was less than a 5 much less a pain free minute. My dream is to just be pain free for at least an hour, that would be so wonderful. I can't even express in words how that would make me feel. In case your wondering, yes I take medications that are suppose to help with pain and everything else I experience, but it doesn't really help. Like i said I'm never pain free not for a single minute of any day.
I will NEVER GIVE UP!!!!!
I apologize for my personal health post to sound repetitive. I just feel the same way day after day for most days. Please if you know of any thing that may help me feel better please let me know in the comments.
Thanks for reading, I appreciate the upvotes, comments and follows.
Tolly
