I meet the difficulty, carrying the part of me that still wants life to become easier before I become stronger enough to handle what is asking more from me,
I meet the difficulty, noticing how quickly I want to call something unfair when it exposes a weakness I had managed to avoid looking at,
I meet the difficulty, feeling the frustration of being pushed beyond what I already know while some quieter part of me understands that I wouldn’t be my truest potential by staying where Im just comfortable with,
I meet the difficulty, when I am frustrated like this do I want to understand what it is showing me or do I only want it to stop,
I meet the difficulty, and what comes out of me begins telling me something I could not have seen while everything was just easy…
I watch myself closely, especially when I am tired enough for my patience to disappear and where the parts of me I usually manage become harder to hide,
I watch myself closely, because I am beginning to notice that pressure does not create everything but it makes visible what was already underneath,
I watch myself closely, resisting the urge to make the struggle undeniable simply because admitting my own reaction is uncomfortable to carry,
I watch myself closely, what do I become when I cannot control how quickly the situation changes or how difficult the next part feels,
I watch myself closely, beyond everything else, the uncomfortable answer feels more useful than the easy one…
I stay in the match, even when I feel outmatched by something that seems to have more experience, or some advantage I wish I already possessed,
I stay in the match, walking away would sometimes give me relief without giving me the chance to discover what I could truly become,
I stay in the match, feeling the part of me that wants an easier challenge while another part knows that ease cannot teach me what resistance can,
I stay in the match, do I actually want to grow through this or do I only want the discomfort of fading to disappear,
I stay in the match, and the struggle starts becoming something I can work with instead of something I know I can endure…
I let the pressure speak, not treating every painful moment as proof that something has gone wrong but listening from the inside about the person I am still becoming,
I let the pressure speak, because I do not always like what appears when I am cornered, impatient, or afraid, and pretending only keeps me unfamiliar with own self,
I let the pressure speak, holding the uncomfortable possibility that the challenge may be showing me that comfort had allowed me to leave unexamined,
I let the pressure speak, what has been showing up in me lately that I keep turning into an explanation instead of admitting what it might be trying to tell me,
I let the pressure speak, and I begin to understand why some difficult moments stay with us long after they are over, that what stays is not always asking to be carried—it may simply be asking to be understood…
Watchwords:
What comes out of me begins telling me
The parts of me I usually manage
I stay in the match
Ease cannot teach me resistance
The pressure begins to speak
Here is Tikatarot, who dares you to answer the question, “Who am I?”..
As and will always be reminding you to dream: