I have a hidden part of myself that only reveals itself when I cease performing attention and genuinely engage without constantly monitoring my what going on outside the world,
I have a hidden part of myself that requires a specific quality of stillness to reach, but I don’t always give myself that stillness because stillness feels like doing nothing to the part of me that needs to feel more productive.
I have a hidden part of myself that knows things my thinking mind has not caught up to yet, and the gap between what that place holds and what I want to act on the longest distances in my passionate life,
What would I hear if I sat long enough in the kind of quiet that asks something real of me instead of the kind I use to recover so I can return to the noise,
I possess a hidden part of myself that emits a clear and continuous signal, however, I have spent a significant portion of my life learning to suppress it rather than learning to tune into it as deeply as it gets…
I have been in the wrong environment for the result I was trying to achieve, and I blamed myself for the lack of progress instead of asking what the environment was hindering my dreams,
I have been in the wrong environment and watched myself diminish and slowly lose the particular current that the progress needs to move, and still told myself that a disciplined person would not need the conditions to be right,
I have been in the wrong environment and lingered because walking away felt like admitting something I did not want to admit about what I need in order to become the version of myself my calling requires,
Do I actually know the conditions under which my best and most honest self shows up, or have I just been making do with whatever the day hands me and calling that making do just enough,
I have stayed in the wrong environments while giving myself to the right pursuit, and the distance between my output and my true capacity is something only a real attempt can name…
I have felt a current of something moving through the room, throughout the day, and across specific seasons, but I’ve never quite known how to understand or process it, perhaps because I’m not in the right zone to begin with,
I have felt the current and mistaken it for distraction, pushing it aside and taking this for granted because it arrived at an inconvenient time and dressed itself in a wrong and uncertain shape,
I have felt the current and then opened something else instead and told myself I would be in a place when I was less scattered and more organized and more clearly ready for what it was offering,
When have I let the current carry me somewhere I did not plan to go and found that the unplanned place was exactly where the deep work needed to come from all along,
I have felt the current of something real and chosen the managed version of my world over it, and later I cannot always tell what I surrendered to keep everything feeling controlled…
I have sat in tightly controlled places and felt the collective weight of others’ burdens pass into my own room, yet I never knew, without consciously choosing to, that this too was a form of information I needed to push myself further,
I have sat in tightly controlled places and allowed the many masks, the layered voices, and the accumulated hum to pour something into what I was making that a silent and ordered room could not provide,
I have sat in confined spaces and realized that the world’s signals persist regardless of my inability to find the most effective way to receive and accept them, these signals will always find a way through, even if I don’t understand how,
Am I paying the kind of attention right now that treats what is actually here in front of me as worth noticing or am I waiting for a more impressive version of the present to arrive before I really show up,
I have sat in tightly controlled places and let the shifting masks, the passing voices, and the gathered hum of it all add something to what I was making that a quiet and controlled room could never have offered...
Watchwords:
A place that only opens when I stop performing,
Stillness feels like nothing to the part that needs to produce,
Blamed myself instead of asking what the room cost,
Chose the managed version over what was real,
The signal was present in every place I chose to stand
Here is Tikatarot, who dares you to answer the question, “Who am I?”..
As and will always be reminding you to dream:
