I notice a different kind of hesitation when I imagine someone reading what I have made before I am ready to explain,
I notice how I begin hearing every sentence through another person’s ears, wondering which parts will be understood and which parts will reveal uncertainty,
I notice how I call it protecting the work from premature judgment, when sometimes I am protecting the version of myself that still wants to appear capable,
I notice how I wonder whether I fear being misunderstood, or whether I fear someone seeing exactly where I am still struggling,
I notice how I keep the pages close enough to change, far enough away that nobody can tell me what they actually need…
I begin arranging my thoughts differently when I imagine another person entering the process I’m protecting,
I begin trimming the strange parts before I have given them enough time to become meaningful,
I begin choosing the words that sound easier to approve, even when they are not the words that feel most honest to me,
I begin wondering whether I can let someone see the unfinished work without immediately measuring myself through anyone’s reaction,
I begin learning that being seen does not require me to turn the work into something important…
I have days when I need another set of eyes, I have been standing too close to the work for too long I haven’t notice where growth requires me focus,
I have days when every sentence begins to feel inevitable, even when something inside it has quietly stopped breathing for change,
I have days when another person can notice the missing connection, or the possibility I dismissed because it did not resemble what I first imagined,
I have days when I ask myself whether I can hear an observation without immediately defending my initial choice,
I have days when I realize I may not need someone to solve what feels stuck, only to show me where I stopped looking into…
I am learning that sharing the work does not mean surrendering my judgment,
I am learning that I can listen without obeying every suggestion, consider another point of view without abandoning what feels true to me,
I am learning that the response that unsettles me may sometimes be more useful than the one that makes me feel fulfilled,
I am learning to ask whether I can receive what is useful without carrying every opinion to the thing I must become,
I am learning that I do not have to be untouched by what others see, only grounded enough to remember that their eyes may reveal something I cannot see for myself, but they do not get to decide what I am capable of becoming.
Watchwords:
Let the unfinished work be seen
Understanding is not the same as safety
Another set of eyes, another possibility
Listen without surrendering your judgment
Let disagreement reveal what matters
Here is Tikatarot, who dares you to answer the question, “Who am I?”..
As and will always be reminding you to dream: