I want to hold the work loosely enough, that when it moves somewhere I did not choose, I can follow it instead of pulling it back toward what I imagined,
I want to hold the plan loosely enough, that it serves the work rather than protects itself at the cost of what the work is becoming,
I want to hold the result loosely enough, to be surprised by what my own effort reveals and not too dependent on the noise of the outside world,
I want to hold the making loosely enough, to let it become something I could not have designed before I began,
What am I holding so tightly that I have left no room for the work to show me what it can become as you’re in peace with what is,
I want to hold the work loosely enough, I let following it be proof that I trust the process more than the outcome of what I imagined…
I have a what-if question, I am afraid to ask because the answer might ask me to rebuild something I have already invested too much in,
I have a what-if question, I keep seeing from the corner of my eye and looking away from before it becomes clear enough to demand an answer,
I have a what-if question, asking it is not destroying what I built but testing whether what I built can survive my own beliefs and truths,
What is the question I am most afraid to ask, what answer have I already imagined that makes asking feel dangerously obsessive,
I have a what-if question, I am learning that asking it can be an act of loyalty to the work rather than betrayal of the actual plan…
I am allowing the experiment to be wrong, in exchange for finding out what is actually right in the beginning of the actual plan,
I am allowing the experiment to be wrong, to tell me something I did not put into it instead of forcing the result to agree with what I already believed,
I am allowing the experiment to be wrong, to reach toward a direction I did not point into but still continue where it is leading me,
I am allowing the experiment to be wrong, to become the information rather than evidence of building it against myself,
What would I discover if I gave myself permission to fail at this attempt in exchange for what only a real attempt can teach me,
I am allowing the experiment to be wrong, I am learning that allowing is not passivity but the discipline of staying present without controlling what the work is here to reveal…
I am in continuous preparation, for a life that will keep asking things of me I could never have prepared for specifically,
I am in continuous preparation, through testing, being wrong, asking what-if, following what I did not plan, and becoming more capable of responding to what arrives in time,
I am in continuous preparation, I no longer need the preparation to end before I call the real thing a life as everything will always be a part of the process,
What is the smallest thing I can test today, that will give me real information instead of another day spent holding everything in theory,
I am in continuous preparation, the preparation is the life, the life is the preparation, and I am done waiting for the two to become separate- both are parts of each other…
Watchwords:
Following where the work goes instead of pulling back,
The what-if I keep glancing at and looking away from,
Allowing is the most active and disciplined thing I know,
Capacity for response larger than it was yesterday,
Done waiting for the real thing to finally begin...
Here is Tikatarot, who dares you to answer the question, “Who am I?”..
As and will always be reminding you to dream: