I keep letting the frightened part of me run the whole day when it was never actually in charge, handing her the microphone every single time before anyone else gets a chance to speak,
I keep letting the frightened part of me run the whole day when it was never actually in charge, and she has talked me into decisions I've spent months quietly unwinding,
I keep letting the frightened part of me run the whole day when it was never actually in charge, and I keep calling her caution when what she actually is loud and untrained,
How many of the things I braced myself for this year actually walked through the door of doubt and uncertainty,
I keep letting the frightened part of me run the whole day when it was never actually in charge, and I am tired enough now to finally ask her to sit back down and let go…
There is a calmer voice in me I built for exactly this moment as I keep talking over it, drowning her out with the same three worries on a loop,
There is a calmer voice in me I built for exactly this moment as I keep talking over it, as if she hasn't been right nearly every time I finally stopped to actually listen,
There is a calmer voice in me I built for exactly this moment as I keep talking over it, and somewhere I decided that panic was more honest than her, more proof that I cared enough for her to be somebody,
What would change tonight if I let her finish even just one full sentence and just listen to her own fears,
There is a calmer voice in me I built for exactly this moment as I keep talking over it, and I am choosing, just this once, to let her go first and foremost…
I have spent so many nights rehearsing disasters that never once arrived at my door, running the same scene until the ceiling knew it better than I knew my own name,
I have spent so many nights rehearsing disasters that never once arrived at my door, and I called it preparing when really it was just suffering in advance for free all along,
I have spent so many nights rehearsing disasters that never once arrived at my door, and the morning always came anyway, ordinary and unbothered by everything I lost sleep over and over again,
What did all that rehearsing actually protect me from besides a full night's rest ready to determine what kind of day would it be,
I have spent so many nights rehearsing disasters that never once arrived at my door, and I am done paying that particular toll for a road I was never going to travel all along…
I keep mistaking the tight feeling in my chest for information instead of just noise, treating every flutter of dread like a signal I'm required to obey immediately,
I keep mistaking the tight feeling in my chest for information instead of just noise, and I have made real decisions standing inside that noise like it was a solid ground,
I keep mistaking the tight feeling in my chest for information instead of just noise, when half the time it's just an old alarm going off in an empty house all along,
Is this feeling actually telling me something true, or is it just a habit my body hasn't unlearned yet despite the unforgettable memory,
I keep mistaking the tight feeling in my chest for information instead of just noise, and I am learning, slowly, to let it pass through me without handing it the keys to my aspirations…
Watchwords:
The frightened part of me running the meeting,
A calmer voice I keep talking over,
Disasters that never once arrived at my door,
The tight feeling in my chest,
An old alarm going off in an empty house,
Here is Tikatarot, who dares you to answer the question, “Who am I?”..
As and will always be reminding you to dream:
