There have been times when I just wasn’t able to kick myself into action. That’s when you start thinking negatively.
‘I’m not good enough.’
‘I don’t deserve it.’
‘I’m not smart enough.’
Whatever the case may be.
You start swimming around in that cesspool of negativity and once you’re stuck in there, it can be a very difficult place to get out of.
I remember there were days when I just felt so deflated and negative, that I would just sit around all day, either playing games or watching TV. Sure, it’s okay to have those days occasionally, but if you’re feeling like you’ve wasted too much time doing so, you’re likely on a downwards spiral.
I’ve seen it with my wife as well. As opposed to being in action, she had days pass by where she’d just binge-watch stuff. This just made her feel even more anxious and useless. She ended up saying, “I’m such a useless individual.”
This was devastating for me to hear her say since I know she has so much to offer. She’s smart, hardworking, loyal and trustworthy. I knew how she felt though since I was in the same position not too long prior to that. We had a few discussions and she also understood what was causing her to feel this way. It was a case of being in her own mind too much and not being In Action enough.
Again, “An idle mind is the devil’s playground.”
Since then, we have both kept ourselves busy, limiting our idle time. I think it’s a fine balance. You still need to rest, and I’ve always been a firm believer in balance in life. The balance was just off then, however it is much more stable now, for both of us.
Simply by being In Action, instead of worrying about all the things that can go wrong, we’ve noticed many positive changes in our lives. Things start happening. In our case, we’ve noticed how we’re gradually digging ourselves out of this financial hole we ended up in. Sure, we’ve got a heck of a long way to go, but we’re both more positive now. The ball is rolling and it’s all about keeping the momentum going.
Another example would be my mother-in-law. I know she’ll never read this, so I’m in the clear, haha.
Although she struggles with various Mental Health issues, she doesn’t do anything that makes her feel like she’s contributing towards something. Being a stay-at-home mom, where all the kids are adults now, she needs to find some sort of purpose.
Unfortunately, this isn’t happening. It’s regressing more as time passes. Where she used to keep herself busy with some hobbies, cooking and baking, it’s become a situation of not wanting to do anything anymore. She’ll sit at home all day, watch and comment on the TV shows she’s watching, not even having the drive to go to the shop anymore.
It is terrible to see. Her mood would be somber most of the time and we heard about how she’d keep lashing out at everyone. The problem again is feeling like you’re useless. When you’re not contributing positively, whether it’s for yourself or someone else, you can easily be sucked down into that negative space.
Don’t get me wrong. I understand how Mental Health plays a role here too and there are some fluctuations in how my mother-in-law is generally. There’s more to it though, however that’s another rabbit hole altogether. To keep it to the point, she has some stuff she needs to let go of and instead of focusing on the negative, due to being idle, she should do something that will make her feel like she’s contributing positively.
I remember having a chat with one of my customers a few days ago as well. His parents have been staying with him lately and it’s the same story as above. Binge-watching TV all day, being negative and volatile. In his case, their kids get impacted negatively, since they can’t just be themselves. They’re limited to playing in the room to avoid unnecessary conflict. Otherwise, it’s getting annoyed at the noise, swearing at the kids and it all just sounds quite toxic.
The one example I remember specifically, was when they had some family over. The youngster’s 2-year-old cousin didn’t greet the grandparents, and she flipped her lid over it. Really now? The child is only 2.
Anyway, it seems like they’ll just have to accept the fact that they won’t change their ways, like we’ve accepted it with my mother-in-law. There are possibly some Mental Health related issues there too, as well as an unwillingness to let go of the past. Throw in being idle most of the time and you’ve got a Molotov of negativity, ready to burn anything in its path.
In conclusion, when you’re in that ‘Dark Space,’ it’s extremely difficult to see the light. It’s like a maelstrom of negativity that keeps sucking you in and can inevitably drown you. That’s why I say, rather be In Action. Life is much better then.
