Knotilus Daily Pond

Hi there!

Feels like it’s been weeks since I wrote anything. Busy, busy!

Trying to balance all aspects of my life leaves me feeling very frazzled sometimes. Usually first to be disrupted is my peace and sanity, 🤪 followed close behind by my creativity.

Just sucks the fun and life right outta me sometimes.

But life keeps coming at me and you either lead, follow or get outta the way right?!
And I’ve never been very good at those last two.

The intensity of my dreams of late have been leaving me to wake with exhaustion. I can’t remember the last nightmare I’ve had, years perhaps, and still I don’t have what I would call nightmares. I suffered with severe insomnia as a teen, and inadvertently taught myself directed dreaming, which led to the past 20 years of being able to lucid dream. I do control most of the settings in my dreams, but I still have some curve balls thrown in that I end up having to puzzle out myself.

One of last night’s longer dreams was interesting, after lots of strange hiking and travelling, I found myself on a binge of sorts. Messed up, and doing things that are the total opposite of my normal, current self; drugs, alcohol, cigarettes: chaos. Bleeding and half naked by the end of it, mostly from my own doing. All I wanted was to find my phone charger so I could call on a certain friend to come get me. Someone I knew would understand and would help me.

I’ve been clean and sober for about 15 years, so the person I was in my dream was my younger self. Distraught, words that hit like weapons, but fun and easy to laugh, no fucks given. About anything. Not caring to live or die. Totally out of control.

I’m glad I’m not her anymore. I’m happy to wake up sober. I’m thankful I clawed my way out of that abyss so long ago.

I’m not sure I would have considered myself “an addict,” I was just someone desperately in pain, physically and mentally, willing to try anything to feel better.

Thankfully I learned that poisoning myself was not helping, and I had the motivation and willpower to stop my destructive choices fairly early on.

I wanted more out of life.

I may have went a little extreme in the other direction, becoming totally health obsessed and consumed with “getting better.” But it’s preferable to the road I was on.

I’ve gained so much since I was that person. Things I’m willing to protect and keep sacred. Things I would die for.
But even better, things I’m willing to LIVE for.

And now, I have ways to create a life that is truly my own. A life I can appreciate and continue to build on.
The little stuff can really add up to quite a lot.
Like my hobbies!

Turning hobbies into a job can often leave me feeling like I’m selling my soul. I’ve done art jobs in the past and that’s how it felt. Selling myself in the worst of ways.

This time it is different, my art and creativity comes out on my own terms, the way I want to make it, for people who really want it. I hope to never have to shove myself into a shitty society approved box ever again. I want it to flow like a river, pouring my soul out into this world so that it may never stop.

I can’t do that without the support of other humans!

❤️

Speaking of which!

This purse is still up for grabs in the shop! It’s a one of a kind phone bag, perfect for any occasion! I love the cute little strap, great for toting around just your phone and cards this summer!

Creations for the love of creating.
Creating things for those who love having a piece of someone’s soul 💕

#HandmadeWithLove

❤️

Thanks so much to everyone who has placed orders with me! It really does make a huge difference.
#SupportSmallBusiness now more than ever folks!

In cat news..
I caught a sweet senior moment with two of my chocolate kitties!

This is Stella and Batman. Batman is the big guy on the left he’s almost 16!

Did you know black cats are the hardest to find homes for? As a rescuer I can attest that this is true, perhaps that’s why I ended up with four black cats of my own! People have lots of reasons, mainly superstitious in nature, but one newer reason is that black cats don’t photograph very well.
A terrible reason really, but I will admit, it’s trickier to get a good shot.
As you can see though, when those sunbeams hit them they shine all shades of chocolate brown!
They’re so beautiful!

Also here’s me kissing my other cat.

https://www.instagram.com/reel/CZNkiu3puYX/?utm_medium=copy_link

Venus, the youngest and highly visible star of the show, just how she likes it!
😂

I hope your week has been treating you well, and I hope you find some motivation or helpfulness from my words. There’s always things we can do to further improve. We are a in a constant state of change, even if we are feeling very stagnant. All we need to do is look for the next tiny step to our goals and keep going.

Much love to you!

Some memes!

I do like tea, but still, this is accurate 😂

💦

And I do feel this is also accurate. Happy to not partake in that nasty crap! ❤️

Take care!

🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊
Knotilus daily pond is a series of photos of the pond near my home, some bloggery about the homestead and the creations, it’s then finished off with some choice memes.

Some days here are breathtaking, others will be gray and dull, I’m happy to share the different looks of the pond all year long 🙂