*When you move
Honey, I'm put in awe of somethin' so flawed and free
(Excerpts from Hozier, Movement).
Was it my heartbreaking that numbed my bones?
Was it the self-consciousness that made me shrink?
Were you told to grow up already?
I watched a documentary from DW DOCUMENTARY titled How Movement Changes Our Brain.
It was all about how Animals also dance and how dance is important to connecting deeply to something bigger than us.
Earlier this week I was getting a weird sensation in my chest.
It felt like electricity was constantly being zapped through it, my heart almost wanted to give up on me.
What I was feeling was visually etched on my face.
Most people at work thought I was just in a sore mood or didn’t want to talk to anybody,
But I was undergoing a panic attack, a rising anxiety that came in spasms.
I couldn’t focus on work.
My chest was tightening.
I knew what the problem was though.
My brain was projecting itself to the future, so I was crippled by the fear of the unknown.
I ended up aimlessly scrolling through YouTube shorts
I was watching a lot of people dance
Moving
And my heart slowly started calming down
My body felt like moving but I was too self-aware to do so because it was a work environment to begin with.
I made a deal with myself that I would dance my heart out when I got home.
At home,
I got in front of the mirror and my body turned to molded clay
Has it forgotten how to dance?
I was a mean dancer like I could burst my hips on the dance floor.
I used to choreograph and even teach people how to dance.
But the years of going through some life experience
I think grief and insecurities seized my body.
Still, in front of the mirror, I just did a little twirl and smiled at myself.
My dance session for that day ended.
Fast forward to watching this documentary and my mind was blown away.
I decided to lay down my burden at the feet of the song playing.
I slowly moved my hips
Wiggled my shoulder
Rotated my head
And damn, I think it was one therapy I needed,
To just stretch my body
To feel my heart beat fast because am moving in sync with the music
I didn’t care when I made a stupid move
The adrenaline was making me feel so good.
You feel free
You feel like you could conquer the world.
I’m slowly allowing the rhythm to change me
Dear Dance, I know I left you for a moment
With deep love, I take you back.
Yours truly,
Chinwendu.
