I am 355 pounds. I have not exercised in months. Perhaps years. I have slipped into a sedentary life that consists of whatever entertainment I can consume that will hold my attention. Youtube, TV series and movies. I often spend 12 to 16 hours at my computer on days I do not play a show.
On days I play I spend as much time online as I can before I have to leave to play my gig. I will sometimes make part of those days a social day to interact with strangers at the supermarket or the fans at the shows I play. I live alone and seem to be very content doing so, but I do realize the need for some social contact with the world around me, and not just online.
I have cut off all sugar from my life and all gluten. I have outlawed other things from my life as well, but that’s a story for another day.
My symptoms are unusual joint aching in my right elbow in particular, an unsolvable (for years!) post nasal drip which is maddening as a singer, toenail beds are ominously darkening, my feet are very slightly swollen and I have sleep apnoea and sleep with a CPAP every night. My mood seems steady for the most part and I am not prone to anxiety or depression it seems.
I feel as if life is slipping past me and the years are speeding up as I spend time indoors instead of travelling and doing the things I love like being outdoors, seeing new places and enjoying a spontaneous existence.
When I went to Cuba 2 years ago with a friend I had to use a seatbelt extension on the plane for the first time in my life. When we got on the tour bus that would take us to the resort I had to make my way to the back of the bus, as all the other seats were taken. The aisle space between the seats was too narrow for me to pass easily, and in embarrassment I forced myself as nonchalantly as possible between each pair of seats to the back of the bus. I had to force myself between the seats with so much force I badly strained a calf muscle which remained affected for several days.
In the past I was an avid outdoorsman and a decent athlete. I was big into tennis, golf, karate, mountaineering, hiking, swimming, ice fishing, winter camping on Georgian Bay, the Mattawa and French rivers and more. I hiked 50km weekends in Crowsnest Pass Alberta, and it was the joy of my life. Bathing in ice cold rivers, fires at night and screeing on shale down hillsides at breakneck speeds. We once found these massive, flat black rocks on a mountainside with a bubbling brook flowing over them. With two feet of snow on the ground we lay on the rocks and had a mountain bath. The sun had heated up the water, using the huge black rocks like solar panels to warm the water. What a spectacular memory. I also jumped back and forth 1000 times at the Alberta, British Columbia border marker at the top of a mountain pass. I’ve been to Alberta and British Columbia at least 1000 times each. How many people get to say that? Ha!
The year was 1989 when I left College and it would be many years before smart phones came to be. I had left college in the rear view mirror along with the 1988 Mac Plus computer I had used for my last 2 years of school. I had a 20 megabyte, yes you heard that right, MB external hard drive the size of a large toaster. Oh that 5.5 inch black and white screen. Asteroids was amazing on that little computer lol. You see, even then electronics could suck me in like nothing else, and Nintendo was coming on strong with Mario. My oh my if we only knew it was the beginning of a massive gaming trend that would keep people from being productive for weeks and months at a time.
But like the ring of power, electronics were never far from my life, and the fascination I held for them and still do would slowly draw me into a virtual world from which I seemed to have very little hope of escaping from.
Time will tell. I have quietly packed my things for my new journey and slipped out the door. No fanfare, no promises. A simple attempt to do better. To improve my health and value myself more than I value things that do not bring me life, health and fulfillment.
Wish me luck,
Bug
