The type of day where, for some stupid fucking reason, I insist on burning everything around me. One little thing set me off this morning, and I've done nothing but lash out at everything, and everyone. My fiance has left for the day just to be away from me, because I can't just keep my fucking mouth shut, making sure before she left to call me my very favorite thing to be called.
I've been called a piece of shit by nearly everyone who's ever gotten close to me, so it should come as no surprise. Clearly it's true, or so many people would not have told me as much. I have this stupid little way of being so self-absorbed, throwing everyone else to the wind... Don't ask me why I do the things I do, because I couldn't give you an honest answer. All I know is that the people in my life deserve better.
Every time something is going great, I have to find a way to fuck it all up. I don't know why, and it's not something I do on purpose, it just seems to be the way I am. I've spent my life in turmoil. There's something about it that makes me feel at home, or normal, but something has got to give.
I fight every day to stay on top of my depression, and then I go and do or say something that puts me three steps back.
I fucking hate me. I do this shit to myself. I'm so fucking tired of upsetting people. I don't know how to make it stop.
