I stand before the tenth moon bearing nothing but my remaining little light. My soul has more fight in her regardless of looking so battered and so I am urging her to give me a fighting chance.
May time afford me the space to heal. May the hour hand free me from this numbness. I was born to feel.
I say yes to cleansing rain.
After her intial days were ravaged by the rays of an angry African sun and unsolicited pain, rain is more than welcome. I help the skies cry by burying my ugly crying face in the depths of my hands and soft pillows then imagine the skies hiding rain.
Still... I say yes to solitude.
Reflective mode invites meditation here and a quiet mind is the only way I can access the fluency of my pens. The demons are here too but in here we coexist and look for solutions together. How else will my healing curiosity indulge in poking holes where it shouldn't?
Thanks to spending time with myself, I got to say yes to calling myself out on my toxic traits. There is a better understanding of healthy boundaries here thanks to practising such. I acknowledge what I couldn't when self awareness hadn't caught up.
When accountability for anything that leaves a scar on my soul was lacking and it was always someone else's fault. Long before I knew I was responsible for my own happiness and peace.
I have to say yes to the blooming Jacarandas.
Their symbolic purple flowers remind me of the last days of the season my favourite girl carried me in my first home and the pain I caused her as I fought my way out of her womb with their falling flowers hugging the floor of their trunks just like red carpet I flew here on exploring her thighs upto her feet.
Yes to abudance.
Of clarity. Of love in all it's diverse forms. Of discernment. Of the much elusive light. Of more creative juices.
I am hopeful that fulfillment will stay at the end of each day. Isn't that what we all want? To know that what we did was enough and so are we. That what we are is what is required for us to forge through our individual worlds. Comparing two distinct footprints should then be ruled as unwise.
So yes to shorter nights. To finally convincing sleep to stay longer than three hours. To beautiful dreams replacing these constant nightmares. Probably then my tired bones might enjoy the embrace of my soft bed.
wambuku w.
