I had not yet dawned when I entered the kitchen of the monastery. I had slept badly, intermittent sleep and ideas a million. When the mind does not rest the body pays the consequences for the disharmony that invades and occupies, corrupting the being as a whole. Fatigue, by increasing irritation and suffering, will always be a lousy counselor. That was my situation at the time. Some days ago he came in growing discord with another disciple of the Order. It all started with a silly motive, a little criticism he made of the philanthropic work that I coordinated. I retaliated by pointing out flaws in behavior in the one who censured me. He replied, raising the tone of the critic. The exchange of ironies was gaining unexpected dimensions and, the previous evening in rough discussion, we almost lost control. That is to say, it lacked little to exchange kicks and fists. Verbal offenses could not be avoided.
When I took the coffeepot to pour the coffee, I noticed that it was full and hot. Someone had gotten there before me. Looking back I saw that it was the Old Man, as we affectionately called the oldest monk of the monastery, sitting in complete silence and reflection, with a steaming cup in front. He offered me a sincere smile as our eyes met. With a subtle gesture of his jaw, he invited me to sit beside him. I filled a cup with coffee and went to meet him. Before he could articulate any word, I opened the verb, said I needed to vent and I told him all the conflict. The monk heard me with his great patience, and when I finished he said quietly and quietly: "Did you come for advice or complicity? From someone who tells you the truth or from someone who gives you the reason? "I was indignant, for there was no doubt that I was right and that the other disciple should, at a minimum, take a warning. Without altering himself, the Old Man said: "For every fact there are at least two versions, beyond the truth."
I argued that it was the other disciple who had started everything. The monk replied immediately: "That does not matter, just as I do not care who is right." He drank some coffee and continued: "However, all learning deserves attention. If I'm not mistaken, we have a beautiful lesson that, if it is well used, can strengthen, as well as bring spiritual growth to all involved. " I asked him if he meant forgiveness. The monk immediately responded: "Of course forgiveness will have to be worked out not only in this case. Forgiveness will always be necessary, for it is impossible to be happy without forgiving. However, there is another precious experience that offers us valuable wisdom: to understand the play of the shadows. "
"Evil is the food of the shadows and gives power to the darkness. It is us who, in rejecting so much evil, however contradictory it may seem, we end up feeding it. Violence is a very appreciated delicacy; the offense a delicious dinner; the rumors an appetizer very applauded; revenge the favorite dish; the sarcasm an elegant dessert. The sophisticated ingredients of this somber banquet are pride, vanity, selfishness, jealousy, and fear. All offered by us. All seasoned by ignorance not to perceive that in that feast the cook is us and the worst, it will cost us very expensive. The price? The own and inevitable suffering ".
"When we participate in the play of the shadows we give up being walkers of the Way, away from it. By allowing the fire of the torch of the warriors of light to be extinguished, we foster darkness. In the infancy of the spirit we allow ourselves to be led, given the social, cultural and ancestral conditions, by the law of the talion, where we charge eye for eye, tooth for tooth. Of course, the tooth and the eye are merely symbolic figures. Most of the time, when we believe that we have the right, we cause the other to suffer for the fact that we have caused some pain, as a primitive philosophy that is much applauded by the shadows. In the end, this is the motivation of your game.
Usually and unconsciously, we cry out for justice when in truth we only desire revenge. The shadows are interested only in punishing, in seeing the other suffer for the simple fact that, supposedly, the other also made us suffer. Absurd mentality to believe that in spreading our suffering this will decrease. Light works in favor of learning. Justice is linked to education, to evolution and, above all, to love. In turn, revenge is only interested in imposing suffering on the other. The shadows, skillful counselors of the ego, make us believe that we need to protect ourselves, preserve our image, protect our rights, as if offending, refuting, fencing and dominating was the wisest way to maintain integrity and righteousness. Thus, our choices end up being compromised; the subtler feelings are replaced by the more dense ones, reflected in excessive reactions. The worst thing is that, without perceiving it, we keep alive the evil around us. The strangest thing is that in that mathematics the count is never zero. One broken tooth does not replace another, and thus we have two unusable teeth, in geometric progression, in the midst of a multitude of pierced eyes and blind egos. "
I pointed out that being a walker means not conspiring with evil. So if I see something wrong I have to oppose the situation. The Old Man raised an eyebrow and spoke earnestly, without losing the sweetness of his voice: "Surely, Yoskhaz! However, the way we do it marks the difference between light and darkness. This is the game of evil: deceiving us into the shadows by believing that we are in the service of good. "
"Obviously there are serious cases in which we have to intervene with firmness and determination to stop evil. However, I can guarantee that such situations occur rarely in the life of each one of us. Most of the time we participate in the game of shadows moved by unimportant situations that could be resolved with a compassionate look at understanding the level of consciousness of the other and their difficulty in relating to the shadows themselves. In the end, the words and attitudes of each reveal the baggage of the heart. How to expect flowers from those who only have thorns? We must have patience and compassion, because we can not demand the perfection that we ourselves do not have to give. Sometimes there is a conversation full of love and sincerity; in others, a merciful silence is more than sufficient. " He took a sip of coffee and continued: "Not to return the aggression will not make anyone weak, but he will show the courage of the andariego to dominate his own ego and his wisdom by denying the food of darkness, letting the evil perish by starvation. Permit, every day, that the sacred voice of his soul be heard more and more and his valuable secret exercised: always offer the best without expecting anything in return. This is to illuminate one's own steps. The next day offer even more of the love that is in you and expect even less in return. This is the battle of freedom of being, this is the good and inevitable combat. "
"You need to be careful with the game of shadows. It begins slowly, almost imperceptibly, to gain weight gradually, occupying ground within us to dominate our feelings and manipulate our thoughts. It is in this hour that we end up choosing the suffering. Evil is clever and stealthy, its best trick is to make us believe that it does not exist in us. Thus, by carelessness and deceit, it complicates one's destiny. "
"Almost always the play of the shadows begins with a futile motive, a brief commentary or an unthinking attitude of the other in relation to us. The shadows of selfishness, pride or vanity, depending on the case, wake up to warn us that the ego was tainted and transformed us into alleged victims. They, the shadows, increase the greatness of the alleged aggression, add yeast to the offense so that the rage grows within us until it overflows in resentment. The answer turns out to be disproportionate and unnecessary, as it seeks primarily to hurt the feeling of the other in equal or greater intensity than the pain we feel. "
"In turn the other, if he is an experienced walker, will clearly perceive the play of the shadows and will stop him, reacted with love and patience. Otherwise, double the bet to return the offense with greater intensity, which will move us to the endless rematch of violence and suffering. Thus, by participating in this grim game, we build hell itself. " He paused and added: "The worst thing is to insist on blaming others or life for that unhappiness, without perceiving the responsibility and consequences of the choices we make. Just understand that to end suffering suffices to modify the way we react to everything that bothers us. Here is the key to the prison. To make every day that the ego is in the image and likeness of the soul is the indispensable exercise for the integrity of being, definitively ending with the duality that separates us and robs us of the necessary balance. Only then will the agony give way to peace. To transmute, little by little, the shadows that inhabit us and to finish with its game is what allows us to initiate the Way. It's what gives us wings for the fantastic flight to Highlands. "
"You perceive that in this case it is not a conflict of the world and a personal battle that brings suffering because of disharmony. We can face material difficulties with tranquility, diseases with serenity, wars of the planet with wise resignation in accepting and understanding the lesson that fits us. However, we will never achieve happiness without peace dwelling in us. "
He asked me to fill his cup with coffee. When I returned I continued: "Only through the ego can we be offended or humiliated. The greater the ego, the more susceptible we are to suffering. Powerful ego, fragile individual. This is the simple equation. " He paused and concluded with a question: "Do you understand the reason and the force by which humility is the first portal of the Way?"
I squinted and asked him what he advised me to do. The monk on this occasion was succinct: "Nothing," he replied. Intrigued, I wanted to know if he considered that I should leave the inflamed discord still. The Old Man said, "I did not say that. I meant that I will not tell you objectively that you act in one way or another. Look in the silence and in the stillness to walk away for moments of your fragile ego that you wear heavy armor with the illusion of protection and power. Then you can hear the words that your soul whispers and use the wings that she keeps for you, because in essence we are only her, the soul, with all her freedom and lightness.
On that same day, immediately after meditation, I sought the other disciple to talk; not to explain my reasons, for I had understood that they had no importance, but to offer my apologies for the offenses I gave him and for the pain I imposed. As for the suffering he caused me? It only happened because I allowed the offense to affect me. Wisdom is the perfect shield; the heart has an infallible antidote to suffering: love. Can not solve it? Take an extra dose. It's free. This was the power I needed to learn to use and it was still so far away from me. Silently I admitted that I could have done different and better. I promised myself that I would try it next time and thanked the Universe for always giving me a new opportunity.