Hello there, how are you? hope you all doing fine, this week seems to be my up's and down. I was happy for all the wonderful things that I experienced here, and the overwhelming views from my article my heart filled with happiness. The thing is that when you're happy, here comes the opposite of it 馃槖. It's like, borrowing someone's toy then a few seconds it will be taken from you.
I am a quiet person, but not to the extent that I will not speak or talk to anyone. Some say they know me, they know me only for being me as a quiet person, they always say that, yes, that's what you think but I heard a lot of your secrets, but don't worry it's safe with me. Sometimes I told myself, that's maybe the reason that I have fewer friends and some won't last, is there something wrong with being a quiet person? not always interacting on some none sense things? I don't know if I will feel bad about it but it's up to you if you would stick around me or not. I'd rather be alone to be with someone who doesn't understand me at all.
I have friends that understand me even I am their running mate, (takbuhan ng prublema lol) consultant, (sulsultant) shoulder to cry on and drinking buddy. I am willing to listen to all of their problems but some of them never listen to mine, it's because my real problem was never been an open book. I can say that I have a minor problems to share but never my major problem. Sometimes I regret it, that telling my problems to anyone, I would feel stupid afterwards, I would think that, what if she could tell that to someone else, and that someone to the others. And then it gives me a problem again. Yes, I can say sometimes I have this trust issue, it's like having a phobia. I can't remember when was the last time I entrust my TRUST to someone even my husband now it's not 100%.
I know it will not do me good, for continuing this kind of attitude, but for some it's right to be like this, not to fully give your trust. It's maybe I gave it all the way before and now I'm holding it back. It's a mistake that I have done before but should I regret it or not? nobody told me to do that, it's my decision and now the effects shows.
As I mentioned earlier, my happiness is unpredictable but my sadness slammed me that easily. There are times that I can tell in my mind "ayaw palabig lipaylipay diha kay unya muhilak nasad ka". Is it happening? why not let it be, is it another regrets that I am happy now or a mistake to be happy? is this just a state of mind? or destined to be like that?
I am always trying to overcome all of this, it's good that I am working and not a housewife, I sometimes have diversions in my moods. Maybe I'm getting older, having the symptoms of the oldies lol. I think I'll end it here thank you for your time reading these sentiments of mine. Good night to all and sweet dreams 馃槝
