Life is hard these days and I am doing my best to make ends meet. It is not that I am uneducated, quite the contrary but, the days at work are long and the income it provides doesn't go very far. Rarely far enough.
My family was poor yet they managed to get me through school although, not the best school available, I am lucky. It was able to provide me with the basics to get a job but when it came to language training and life skill development, it was lacking.
In my spare time I would do my best to improve my English but the resources available weren't great and the chances to practice very limited. Once work started however, my free-time has been reduced even further so practicing has fallen by the wayside.
My father always said that if one wants to succeed in life, one must be willing to push and do what it takes to increase opportunity and often, this may mean having to swallow one's pride and even let go of some values. 'Survival is more important than people's judgements upon us', he would say.
In my culture, there is no such thing as a soft sell, there is no time for gentle persuasion and manipulation as competition is very high. With so many sellers, it is the fastest, loudest, pushiest who succeed the best. There is very little room for being timid and it is a numbers game, the more approaches, the more engagements, the more chance that someone will buy.
Even if they buy once, there is little chance they will buy again as price sensitivity is high, every cent matters and even if they like you, if a competitor can offer it a little cheaper or a little more, they must take the deal. I can't blame them, I must do the same to make sure I can provide the basics we need to survive each day.
With such high competition to provide even the basics, there is a lot of incentive to cut corners, to find ways to maximise profits, even if someone else must pay the cost, even if it is a win/lose situation. Life doesn't take prisoners, it consumes all, some faster than others. I am not proud of some of the things I have done.
This fight to get a little space, to get a little more leaves me tired and often hungry. A few cents here or there from those who can spare them makes a difference to me, a difference for my wife and family. But, it is not always easy to find the time to make more, to increase revenue streams or to find people who have a little bit more to give.
I push each day though, I hustle all I can and the time I save in the corners I cut, I use somewhere else to try and add a little more. It is a non-stop race against time, against illness and starvation. Nothing comes for free in this world and I am not lazy, I am constantly running, and constantly being chased by life.
Poverty is not somewhere I chose to live but it is somewhere I am trying to get out from so I battle each day, I fight for my survival. I fight for our survival. I have a young daughter, what would you do if your baby was crying from hunger but you do not have the money to feed her? How hungry can one become so another can eat? How full can one become before they leave leftovers for another?
I feel like that is my existence. It is a life of leftovers and the fight for the scraps is fierce and constantly increasing. The increasing cost of life, the increasing demands on everyone involved creates all kinds of behaviours. If one is unwilling to use elbows to get a share, if one is patient, there will be nothing left at all.
I see them on the streets, I see them with their hands out asking for something, anything of value whether it be food, water or an item they can sell. I pass them each day but I have nothing to give, my pockets are as empty as theirs. What if it was my little girl out there? Would someone offer her a helping hand? What would she have to do for it? I do not want to think about it.
I didn't ask for this life, I had no choice where I was born or to whom. I cannot help the culture I was provided, the lessons I was taught. So much of my life is on automatic pilot, instinct bent only to the will of survival.
I gave up a long time ago at a chance of a beautiful life and I am no longer the innocent child that played outside with the other boys. I have done things I am not proud of, things I would never have thought I would have done. The dreams I had have been shattered but I must continue on as this is existence, life struggling to continue living.
So, I swallow my pride, I use what I have and do the best I can so my daughter need not have her dreams stolen, at least not yet. Perhaps I could learn to use what I have better, perhaps in my position, someone else could be successful or luck would swing their way. Who knows.
You might not agree with how I do it, why I do it, or the cost you must pay for my actions but, I am trying. I am trying.
Taraz
[ a Steemit original ]
I don't know everyone's story, I don't know if this rings true for some or is a complete work of fiction but, I know that humans will consistently fight for their own survival and will behave in many poor ways to try to ensure it. This happens at all levels, no matter how little or how much someone has, the drive to want a bit more is always present. With a different background, in a different environment, with a different understanding than I have; would I be any different from them?
