Tomorrow morning I have my treatment for a stomach condition that I have had seen I was 16. The treatment is a drip feed of Infliximab, which is a TNF Inhibitor that suppresses part of the inflammatory response of the body. It takes a couple of hours and is relatively painless other than the discomfort of the IV needle.
However, I get very tired and worn out for a few days after the treatment and I have even more trouble thinking clearly than normal. Overall, the treatment over the last year has improved my quality of life quite a lot. I don't like relying on various treatments and struggled alone for many years though, finally I gave in.
I don't really like relying on anything. I am generally a pretty reliable person and don't mid being there for others but when it comes to myself, I see reliance as a kind of weakness but, one we must all suffer. I am yet to meet someone in this world who is truly independent and I know some very, very wealthy people.
We all rely on others for a whole range of services that without, we would be unable to keep our level of lifestyle or perhaps survive at all. The people who believe they are self-made and free, I think haven't thought too long and hard about all of the connections that allow their illusion of freedom.
We also don't seem to consider all of the other things we rely on others for for a whole range of things that make us feel, valuable, worthwhile and provide meaning. I don't know how this could be tested but, does a child raised by wolves still laugh? Humor is one of those shared experiences between two points and if there is only one point, does it still exist? I think a life without humor would be quite a dull life.
This is part of the reason I caved and took the treatment as the discomfort of the illness meant that I so rarely could experience life without it being filtered through the illness itself, it was always present, always weighing on my mind, even in my sleep. For over two decades very few moments passed by where it wasn't consuming a chunk of my energy and a great deal of my attention.
But, since starting the treatment, its strangle hold slowly released and like an ex-smoker forgetting they once craved a cigarette, the constant thoughts dropped away and I was able to turn my attention to other things. I hate the reliance on it but, for I am still grateful for it.
The reliance on the treatment has meant that I am able to do things that seemed impossible before or, filled me with a sense of dread. Simple things like walking to the corner store were mentally and physically challenging but, that past doesn't even cross my mind anymore. I don't know when it disappeared from thoughts but, I am glad it did.
I wonder, if we stopped relying on others, would we be better off or, would we miss out on a range of life that is impossible without sharing, caring and loving? When I say rely, I am not meaning attached and can't do without, I mean recognizing that our lives are better shared, better with people who we enjoy, people who we can help and can help us achieve the things we can't manage alone, no matter the struggle. People we can sit with and laugh over a drink and not have the weight of the world as a constant reminder that we are struggling and unable to pull ourselves out.
Connection is important in this world so is disconnection. Sometimes we need to disconnect from what our head thinks is important and connect with what actually is.
Taraz
[ a Steemit original ]