Before Enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. After Enlightenment, chop wood, carry water.
_ Zen Proverb
This is a quote from a book of quotes I read when I was about 16, that my mother had on her shelf. It was one of these books that you were meant to focus on a problem in your life and then open to a random page to find an answer, and this is one of them that came up - however, I did end up reading the book cover to cover anyway, not that I remember much from it.
There is some reflective value in this, because no matter what the problem is, nor which page it opens to, the brain will shoehorn a meaning in and look to solve for "X" - which means that the answer was in us, but we needed a changed perspective to find it. Not many answers came to me at that time, which was probably a testament to my lack of experience in the world and the difficulty of the questions asked.
With my wife and I back at work this week, Smallsteps is spending the days with her grandparents until she starts preschool. She loves it there and while they get tired (they are 75), they love having her there too. They have 4 other grandchildren who are a fair bit older and they spent a lot of time with, so I think they are trying to do what they can with Smallsteps while they can.
But, today they were talking about the questions she asks and how different they are to the other grandkids, or their own. And it worries me a bit, because it means that she is indeed becoming more like me and while it might be a life filled with curiosity, I don't think that is necessarily a road to happiness. Or is that perspective?
The quote above is essentially that regardless of perspective, daily tasks don't change. However, what those tasks may mean or not mean might shift radically. The "worst job in the world" becomes just a job, as does the best job in the world. After enlightenment, the preference falls away, or at least, not getting the preferred outcome is not taken any different than getting the preferred order filled.
It is hard to not have preferences and be curious, isn't it? If you are looking for answers, you are still looking for an outcome and while you might be accepting of whatever answer arrives, what happens when one doesn't? So much of life is filled with ambiguity and uncertainty, that even when answers arrive, very few are going to be definitive and therefore, unsatisfactory. A life of unsatisfying answers to questions that most people don't even bother considering, let alone looking for a solution to.
Sounds like fun.
Nature or Nurture - is Smallsteps the way she is because of her genetics, or because she has been influenced by her surroundings? I guess a bit of both, but I do wonder how different she would be if I wasn't around and, I do get the sense that she might actually be better off for it in many ways - not all ways - but many. Which sounds like a weird thought perhaps, but I imagine that all parents consider whether they are a positive influence on their children or not. Though, many seem to think that being the parent means a positive by default.
Very little is positive by default and if you are enlightened, nothing is, because positive and negative are no longer experienced. I am definitely not enlightened, as while I don't get all hyped up on positives, I definitely do get a feel for a lot of negative in life. Which is kind of strange because when young, I was the optimistic one - but life hammered that out of me quick smart. And I wonder if it is better for my daughter to get the reality of me as I experience it or, fake it so she thinks that I am optimistic and happy?
They say you shouldn't lie to your kids, but if you are not enjoying life, what then? Is it better to be the depressive, to scream and shout because of the way you feel, no matter what impact it has on them? Is that authenticity, or is it a type of protracted abuse that can disrupt a child negatively for the duration of their life, and make it very difficult to overcome, to unlearn.
As much as I would like to be, I am nowhere near the parent I would like, because that is not me, that is not my nature. I can be that person from time to time, but it isn't me, it is an act. This is not to say that I am the polar opposite either, as I don't think I am close to a bad parent. But, if every parent wants what is best for their child, that includes that child's parents, and I am definitely not that, but at least at the moment, I am one half of all she's got.
And not the better half.
Yet, there could be benefits for her to have a little bit of my nature in her, as perhaps she will find more effective ways to use it to her advantage than I did, to make it a strength, rather than a weakness. Maybe through all of her questioning, she will become enlightened and while nothing might change outwardly, her inward experience of this life is serene, content, satisfied with what what she does, what she has and what she is.
No one can give this to us.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
