The Bear.
My spirit animal.
Not because of crypto, rather my personality. I am stocky, strong, and grumpy AF.
And relationships are important to me.
I think I would be a good bear in the forest, just wandering around, minding my own business, scratching my back against a tree occasionally. And then of course, the hibernation, *I would be a fantastic hibernator, and I probably would sleep until mid-spring, to make sure the leaves and berries are out before going for a feed.
Where I am less bear-like, is in my patience. It doesn't come naturally to me at all. There is a difference between patience and procrastination. Or laziness for that matter. I am less lazy than many perhaps, but I am also far less motivated to do anything. If I felt like doing something I would, but I just don't feel like it - at least since the stroke. However, the main reason I put things off is due to indecision.
I deliberate too much.
I believe this comes from childhood, where from a relatively young age, I had to make many decisions for myself. With low resources and little backup though, it meant that I "had to be right" and it often meant making no decision at all, and taking the default option available.
Or the leftover scraps.
As a kid, I was far less honest with myself about things like this and would justify my behaviour, giving it some kind of positive spin, like being conscientious of others. But really, while I was and am generally conscientious of others, at the time my hesitation was more due to the fear of making the wrong decision. And at the time, I didn't really apply the understanding that making no decision, is still a decision.
While we can't go back in time, a lot of people talk about what they would have done differently, like buying Bitcoin, or more Bitcoin. However, I was thinking that instead of what I did, it might be interesting to think about changing how I thought. After all, our actions are largely determined by our belief systems and how we think about things - so having a mindset conducive to success would be valuable. Maybe it wouldn't be as financially valuable as aping into Bitcoin in 2011 and holding - but it would still mean making better decisions, more timely decisions, more risky decisions - and being able to handle the consequences.
Attitude matters.
But I am not talking about the attitude that people post about on social media, rather the practical attitude that isn't lip-service, it gets shit done. I know that as my motivation was stolen in an instant, frame of mind matters a huge amount to our experience, and the experience that people have with us. My actions have changed, I am no longer who I was, and while I don't believe any aspect of me is better for the stroke, I also think that this shouldn't stop me being better in some way tomorrow, than I am today.
I fail most days.
Or perhaps failure is the wrong word. Maybe the gains are just so miniscule that they don't register on the measuring scale. Maybe in a year or ten from now, I will look back and see how far I have come. Worse would be if I look back and discover that I am still in the same place - or a worse place.
My daughter is a lot like me, but she is also a lot like her mother. I call her BunnyBear, because she has a quick-thinking side and can act fast, but also has the deliberative side, and moves with intention. For her, the challenge is going to be when to use each skill, so she can become wise enough to recognise when she can move fast at low cost, when she must move fast due to high cost, move slow due to high cost, or move slow due to low cost. Some people only know one speed and treat all situations alike, either moving slow and missing out on what they want, or moving fast on everything, spreading themselves too thin, and burning out.
I might not be the right person for the job of teaching my daughter a lot of things, but maybe in some areas, I can bring some value to the table, even if it is in the spirit if "don't be like me" - but she is like me too. So maybe once aware, she will see it in herself earlier than I saw in myself, and course correct before the costs get too high.
Maybe she can shake off the grump.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
