While my wife is making some cakes for our daughter's birthday with friends tomorrow, we also had a couple over for a coffee, just to kill some time and shoot the breeze. They haven't seen the place for a long while, so we took them on a tour and they of course noted how different it all feels. Last time they were here was about a year ago, so only the upstairs bathroom was done and pretty much everything else was looking like a construction site, while we were living downstairs in what is now renovated as well.
We have a pretty orchid sitting on the coffee table and after they said how good it looks, I mentioned that the orchids we have are always in bloom, because while they aren't fake, once the flowers drop off, we buy another from IKEA. The problem for us is that they take too much care and while we have kept them alive quite long, we have only once got them to flower again, so we have given up. they are so pretty, but far too high maintenance for us!
However, growing out in our garden is another plant and no matter how much we try to kill it, it survives and comes back stronger. It is Japanese Knotweed and is a scourge on the planet and is likely the main cause of gardener suicides globally. They are seriously terrible plants but what I will give them is, they are as hardy AF.
Why is it that things we want are so hard to keep, but the things we don't want so hard to get rid of?
It seems the same with most things where for example, it is so easy to lose our fitness level and get fat, so hard to get rid of fat. Perhaps it is because of resilience - where the things we don't want are so used to "fighting for their live" that they have learned to live and thrive in even the worst conditions, but the things we want, love and nurture get so much support that they haven't had to adapt to the range of conditions, as we provide for them the best we can.
My friend was saying of their sixteen year old son, that he feels that one of the problems he is going to face in the future is that his childhood has been too soft. An only child with parents that have some means to provide opportunity and living in a country that is safe in so many ways. He hasn't ever really had to face any kind of adversity and a such, is unprepared for when he inevitably will.
I reckon this is actually one of the large macro-trend problems we are facing now, where so many people are so adversity starved, that even the slightest issue seems adverse, making everyone feel as if they are victims of their environment. The "survivor mindset" is no longer a thing, nor is the sense of overcoming adversity as people are not encouraged to deal with their own issues, they are encouraged to share them with the world for sympathy in the hope that someone else will fix the problem. they want the teacher to step in because Johnny called Billy a name, rather than having Johnny and Billy work it out for themselves.
"Teacher, Johnny's teasing me, do something, save me!"
It is funny because parents know that they want their kids to have a happy life and they might even know that introducing disappointment is necessary, but the environment created doesn't support that end. They don't want to be the "bad guy" who doesn't support their children's needs, they want to be the friend that supports their wants.
Parents seem eager to want to provide kids with opportunities to build skills for their future, but only if those skills are positive things, like playing an instrument or a sport. But, they take away the opportunity to learn skills like handling disappointment, dealing with adversity and conflict resolution. It is like these core skills that build up resilience to what can be a less than ideal world are expected to be learned from a book, not practice, and then they wonder why their kids are such fragile flowers and so many children are emotionally stunted, struggling and depressed.
While it is good to learn how to ask for help and lean on others for support from time to time, I think the bar to do so is so low now that people expect and probably need to be supported all of the time. Back in the day, people would look up to heroes in the hope they could aspire be a hero themselves, but I feel now that people just want to be saved by heroes, not save themselves. As a result, we are like the orchid, pretty, but high maintenance - always needing something that we expect someone else to provide.
I find it interesting how many people want to be an individual, but demand to be called a group label. How many claim independence, but complain when they are not supported by others. They want to be resilient, but spend all of their time wrapping themselves in cotton wool.
We are sold a story that we should be like pretty flowers, but perhaps we should open ourselves up to build the skills of the weeds, to be hardy, resilient and handle ourselves in even the toughest of conditions.
Who knows, perhaps we could learn to be both.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
