A friend of mine was in the city on a work trip, so we met up for a couple hours for a meal and a coffee. We don't get to meet that often these days since he moved city and rarely just the two of us, so it was great to catch up. He was pretty tired from his work though, but we still managed to have some decent conversation.
One of the things that came up was that his goddaughter and her brother are having quite a different upbringing than his kids or my daughter, as they are allowed to do whatever they want. While a young teen now, she has been on TikTok since she was seven and has been wearing full make-up since she was nine, with a complete beauty routine with anti-aging cream and all the rest. Anything the kids want, they get (within some reason), and when they travel the kids decide what attractions they all see, which is driven by TikTok influencers she follows.
A regular Veruca Salt.
While my friend stays out of it (though technically as godparent he is meant to offer spiritual guidance and personal development) and just observes because it "isn't his place" to say anything, he and his wife have seen the various challenges building with looks and body issues building, as well as general behaviour, entitlement and reaction to disappointment.
Of course, I don't know this girl at all, but the way she is being raised isn't overly unique, even if it is more on the extreme side since most parents don't have the means to support it. However, what we started discussing was what happens in her future, and what kind of person she becomes. Nothing is certain, even in the next moment so it is impossible to tell for sure, but I firstly wonder how she experiences the world as an individual, and then how she interacts with others.
Entitled.
Let's just take this single term in the sense in terms of:
entitled
/ɪnˈtʌɪtld/
adjective
believing oneself to be inherently deserving of privileges or special treatment.
A lot of people today believe they are entitled to all kinds of things, but let's look at it from the emotional perspective, where people believe that if they feel they should get something, they believe it is within their right to have it.
How does that present in interpersonal relationships?
As I was saying to my friend tonight, I believe that one of the reasons that there are so many cases of rape in groups of young people (often not spoken about) these days, is that we live in an on-demand culture where people feel entitled to get what they want, when they want it. And, our own feelings are put up on a pedestal even if fulfilling our desires comes at the expense of others. Internet kids have been exposed to a far greater amount of very specific content and even before adolescence, are developing fetishes. And then, before ever having any physical experience in the real world, they are able to reinforce it repetitively through fantasy, that they are far too immature and underdeveloped to comprehend as unreal. Fantasy gets normalised, and those fantasies are often in dynamics that are not conducive to healthy, loving relationships, built on mutual respect.
The other day I was writing about child abuse and where are the lines. Smacking kids is illegal in Europe, but overfeeding kids is not, nor is letting them spend all their time gaming, or surfing TikTok - though that last one might become illegal soon enough for kids. But if we look at the rates of anxiety, depression, mental illness, body dysmorphia. And then we look at the growing misogynistic movements and looksmaxxing targeted at boys and young men, and the many sexualised fashions, beauty expectations and body change movements targeting girls and young women, isn't it naturally going to converge into a lot of interpersonal violence?
When people feel entitled to do as they please, they are inevitably going to put themselves into difficult and dangerous situations. Because "doing what you want without consequences" is a fantasy land that doesn't exist in reality, ever. And the problem with expecting that other people are going to do the right thing, is that those other people feel entitled to get what they want, when they want it also.
We haven't built a culture that protects each other, we have created one where the individual expects from others.
Too many parents seem to think that children will learn all the life skills they need, without them having to b e disappointed. But kids are not developed enough mentally, physically or emotionally to be able to deal with the complexities and themes of what they are being exposed to. They will learn as they go, but what they learn might not be what supports the development of a healthy, well-rounded individual with the maturity and wisdom to behave well and treat others appropriately.
Charity starts at home.
So do mental health crises.
I am obviously not one who believes that the current trajectory we are on as a species is going to lead us to a better world filled with opportunity and wellbeing. I think that without intervention, without redirection, we are on a collision course with an inevitable outcome that none of us want, but few of us are willing to try and change. We can look at the political turmoil, and the environmental disasters and throw our hands up in despair - but what about taking a look closer to home, the people next to us, those under our own rooves, our family, friends, and neighbours?
Not our place?
Taraz
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