A friend and I went for a coffee last night and after a while he said how I don't seem much different than before, that the stroke hasn't affected me much. Yet he also understands that he can't really empathize with what I am experiencing, as despite him understanding at an intellectual level, it is impossible for him to put himself into my shoes.
I wish more people were like him.
A lot of people think they can put themselves in another's shoes and understand what they are going through, but the truth (my truth at least) is that no one can. Even when two people have been in very similar circumstances, the fact that we are unique individuals with different histories, physiologies, psychologies, attitudes and knowledge banks means that we cannot ever know if we are feeling the same thing as another.
However, it is also important to try and understand each other and what matters to each of us, so working out ways to express ourselves and listen to others is important. For this, stories and analogies are valuable, as while they can't transfer feelings verbatim, they do go a long way to bring in near-common understanding.
For example, I was trying to explain that while I am pretty much able to cognitively handle every day life, when I have to process anything too complex fast, I struggle. Because of this, I am not confident that I can be in customer deliveries yet. This is a challenge because from the outside looking in, when I talk to people at work - I seem fine. This makes them likely feel like I am somehow faking.
Looks are deceiving.
My friend then said, Ah, it is like you are able to walk, but if you needed to sprint, your body just can't do it.
Precisely!
Of course, it is my head that can't sprint at the moment, so if the metaphorical hungry lion was chasing me, I am going to be the first who is eaten. Unless I can find someone who thinks even slower than I do. That shouldn't be hard these days either.
What is valuable in what my friend said is that it was him that came up with it, making the first visualization his own. Of course, there is value in being able to guide that visualization for others too, which is why story telling is such an effective way to transfer information across time.
The challenge in the story telling is that it is much like empathy also, where because we are all individuals, what we each get out of the same story can be very different visualizations, meanings and lessons. Our mindset in the moment is also going to affect what we take away from an experience and for example, when we are already negative, it might be hard to take out something positive.
Spending time with this friend is valuable for me, as he is probably the most logical person I know and among the smartest. This isn't to say he doesn't have his issues in life as well, but his thought process is clean and ordered, even if it doesn't always lead to his own behavior getting him to where he wants to be - though usually it does.
This is a problem for all of us though, as even when our thinking is on point, it doesn't mean our behavior is going to follow suit. The process of creation is thought, word, action - but thinking and speaking about something, doesn't mean the activity to follow aligns.
For example, a lot of people know that looks are deceiving and we shouldn't judge a book by its cover, but does that stop us from making snap judgements on the limited information we can see? Perhaps sometimes, but also probably rarely.
As I know this, I also know that there are going to be quite a few people who are going to struggle to understand my current circumstances and therefore, are unlikely to be able to believe me, even if they want to. However, I hope that in the relationships that are important in my life, I have built up enough social capital through track record that they will want to believe me and be willing to give me the benefit of their doubt.
The affects the stroke has had on me are quite profound and have impacted on fundamental layers of who I am. While I can identify some parts, I don't know all that has changed and will likely never know it all, but because things in me have moved, the direction I travel will also shift, whether I or others, like it or not. It is kind of scary, but also exciting as a new story of my life, a new path unfolds beneath my feet.
I might not be able to run down that path yet, but I am working on moving faster.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]