They say, perseverance is the key to success.
Sometimes, it just gets you kicked in the head.
That is what happened to Smallsteps at school today.
At her mid-year parent teacher discussion, one of her development areas was being braver and building a wider friend network, as she has one particular friend that relies on her to always be there, always spend time with her. Another associated development area is to use her voice more, to speak up, so she doesn't miss out.
Today, Smallsteps took a big step and asked some boys in the yard if she could join in on their games, and they said no. So, she asked again, and on of the boys kicked her in the head.
Ask and you shall receive.
This was literally the first time that she went out and tried to be brave, the first time that she stood her ground, and the result wasn't ideal. If you fall off the horse, we are meant to get back on, but if the horse kicks you in the head, how willing are we to get kicked again?
I fell off a horse when I was seven.
Haven't got back on since.
It is interesting though, because it was these kinds of negative social interactions that taught me the most about the way people behave and think, and how social dynamics affect their actions. From a very young age, the majority of my interactions with other kids were negative, were often emotionally abusive, and occasionally, physically abusive. Similar to Smallsteps, I was a pretty decent kid overall, well behaved, and usually considerate, but that didn't help me with peers.
What it did help me with, was engagement with adults, which meant that I ended up speaking more with teachers than I did with peers, and as I aged, they increasingly engaged me as a peer, which meant the conversation we had were probably not the kinds of discussions that teachers and students usually have.
I don't know if this held value for them, but it taught me a great deal about interacting with people with a lot more experience than I have, and has served me well over the years. As someone who deals daily with experts in their fields, being able to help them fill and develop their gaps, whilst still respecting their strengths, has been useful. They gain, I gain.
Win-win.
But, at the time when I was a kid, it was impossible to see the benefits through the pains of social exclusion. As accepting as I was of the situations, it didn't mean I was happy with the conditions. It still hurt, and I do feel for my daughter, even though I am very sure that she doesn't have it very bad at all. But, experience is relative and for her, I am guessing it doesn't feel good at this time, even though later, she will likely be grateful for them.
From my own experience, those early life "kicks in the head" are probably the things that have impacted positively on me the most. I think that they made me better than I would have been otherwise, even though it really is impossible to tell what the alternative outcome would have been.
Smallsteps isn't a social outcast as I was, she has several friends, but she could benefit from improving the way she interacts with others, and that generally comes through practice - and failure. Social failure and rejection is actually a good thing in my opinion, as it teaches what it feels like to be rejected by peers. Like it or not, this is a lesson we must all learn, unless we are going to live as hermits in the forest.
Hermit life is not for healthy humans.
But, learning to be a healthy human means interacting with some unhealthy ones and at times, being a little less than the picture of health oneself. It is a learning experience, and we all can develop it over time, even the ones who when they were young, didn't act as well as they could have.
Sometimes I wonder what has happened to some of those kids from my childhood and what they turned out like as adults. I am guessing that most of them grew to be average folk, doing average things. Perhaps some of them are even doing well. However, not everyone grows up well. Some never grow up at all.
They persevere through life, with the behaviors of a child.
Success.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
