There are many thoughtful provocative topic that we never cared about in our life. But if we look back and give due weightage to them, we may end up messing with the age old the society culture and rituals. But who gonna take the bulls by the horns?. Last night, we ended up in a sort of confusion over attending a funeral bhoj or not. I was planning to attend a "bhoj" today. It was a community meals serves after someone passed away. As per the ongoing ritual in the society the family member of the deceased organise a community feasta on the 12th and 13th day after funeral. I am not in mood to attend the bhoj but the obligation from our society forcing me to attend it. It is so strange to see how our society has evolved over the years. On happy occasion like birthday or wedding a family throwaway a fiesta only for a single day. While on sad occasion like mourning after death, a person has to organize such fiesta on multiple days. This is the question that put a question marks on the various ongoing rituals in our society. And made us confused if I should attend or not.
Our conversation began normally while planning for today. But it ended up in navigating through the so called society culture, rituals and practices. It was point that definitely need to look for. Many of Indian friend would comply with my thought. I am not sure if someone ever put a though on it, but it is mindful to put them into limelight at least for now when our society is changing rapidly and with the rising cost of living.
A wedding at a home is a happy affairs for the family. They make all efforts to make them eventful. From all kind of events to different rituals. But overall, the wedding ends up in a single grand fiesta on the wedding. A single day wedding reception is what people and relative could expect from the family. But on the event of someone death, the family is supposed to make arrangement for 7 days. Over the years the theme and pattern has changed bringing new things in the culture. If someone passes away, the family member make arrangement on the 3rd days then again on 7th day. Although it is a small affair only including family local relatives. The again 10th day for lunch and dinner then 11th ,12th and 13th day. The last 3 days include high volume of people. It is an old system that was in place in our community and many other community since earlier days. People deliberately arrange all these things to make the society and community happy.
Remixing history until nobody remembers the original track.
The last night conversation made me look out for the actual rituals. At the end it comes to feeding the Brahman only. The actual ritual is Brahm Bhoj, which mandates feeding a small number of Vedic priests (generally 11 to 13 Brahmins) and the needy to help the departed soul transition smoothly into the afterlife. However, over the years, in many regions across India, such funeral feasts started resembling like a massive weddings. Hundreds, sometimes thousands, of villagers and extended family members are invited to attend to occasion. The focus has drastically shifted from spiritual quietude to social prestige, lavish multi course catering, and displays of #wealth. This ultimately ends up turning a time of mourning into a large scale social gathering where people enjoy rich sweets and delicacies. I view the practice as a distortion of the ritual.
Built for more than just the rat race.
Now once began, it is hard to bring an end to it. It is now all about social status. Social pressure has turned the feast into a mandatory community expectation. Grieving families, even those who are severely impoverished or who have just spent their life savings on medical treatments for the deceased, feel forced to take high interest loans from local money lenders just to feed the village. Failing to host a grand feast often results in social boycotts or intense community shaming. This is the obligation that is forcing me to attend the fiesta. But as I am writing this post, make sure I boycotted the event with bad health excuse. Also, while searching about the rituals, i ended up noticing that such funeral food is considered auspicious. So avoiding them is quite mindful towards against the society obligation. In Sanatan Dharma, the mental state of the person preparing and serving the food heavily influences its spiritual quality. Funeral fiesta is considered inauspicious because it is a feast born out of grief rather than joy, which according to scriptures, alters the spiritual energy of the food.
Customized heritage, now with extra filter.
Earlier people used to attend it in large number but these days, eating at a death feast is discouraged by many people in the society. See the community as well the society is changing as per their wish. They always change when they see some benefits out of it. People started believing that, the food at a funeral fiesta is prepared by a family experiencing profound trauma, grief, and sadness. According to spiritual beliefs, eating this food means absorbing the family's negative energy and sorrow, which is said to deplete our own positive energy and mental peace. On a practical and social level, this kind of funeral fiesta often forces deceased families regardless of their financial standing, to spend large sums of money to feed hundreds of guests just to maintain social status. Feasting at the expense of a family that might be going into debt during their time of tragedy is considered ethically wrong and highly inauspicious.
So I began boycotting the fiesta, although I like to visit them to show my solidarity at their grief sorrow time. I think this is quite a mindful approach.
In good faith - Peace!!