Excuses, excuses.
When I was growing up, excuses, excuses was a pretty common phrase. It was said in a playful way and usually by friends when they heard each other providing reasoning for why they couldn't do something that was probably in their best interest. Essentially, when they gave bullshit excuses that could be overcomes, to get themselves out of doing something they didn't want to do.
It seems we don't say this anymore.
Calling people out on their bullshit excuses is now apparently a no-no, because culture has changed. Rather than looking to be our best as a society, we have entered into an insulated and isolated box, where we are able to signal who we are, without having to prove who we are. As such, we have created an implied social contract where we say to each other,
"I won't call you out on your bullshit, if you don't call me out on mine."
I think that when it comes to personal growth, having the help of others supercharges our possibilities, and provides strength, support and often additional drive. But, having that friend that calls out on our bullshit excuses, also gets us out of the house when we are feeling sorry for ourselves, socializing when we wanted to mope, and interacting with people who can not only bring us new perspectives, but shift our moods and improve our experiences.
Many of the best times of my life were when someone didn't let me excuse myself.
And I think this might be an interesting way to consider what we are using excuses for and how we are tyring to get of something we don't want to do. Yet, what we are more likely doing is avoiding what we should be doing. We should be looking to get into something, not out. The excuses are holding us back from growth, not saving us from pain. If anything, the excuses are stopping us from healing.
And I know there will likely be a lot of pushback on this, but the pushback is because there are instances where we should excuse ourselves. But the problem is that due to our propensity to take the easy path, the excuses fall out of us effortlessly. They become habitual. Whenever we feel discomfort at continuously lessening degrees of challenge, an excuse dribbles out as to why we are incapable of overcoming.
Comfort (n.)
c. 1200, "feeling of relief in affliction or sorrow; solace, consolation" (as still in take comfort); also "source of alleviation or relief;" from Old French confort "consolation, solace; pleasure, enjoyment," from conforter "to solace; to help, strengthen"
Our response to discomfort isn't usually a way to remove the pain, it is a way to ease the pain , to alleviate it - to reduce it. We don't want to be healthy, we just want less pain. So when the "cure" for our particular affliction is too uncomfortable, we instead substitute something in to provide relief, even though ultimately, it doesn't help us and many times, can make things worse in the longrun.
However, when we are called out on our excuses, we have a chance to review the automatic response that fell out of our face, and question whether it really is the choice we want to make. Sure, it might give a little relief or put off whatever is ailing us a little longer, but if it isn't taking us toward our goals, it isn't helping.
People seem to see getting called out on the excuses as criticism, but it is not criticism at all. It is a question to ask if that is the decision we really want to go with. It is a chance to take back what we have just said and choose again. We might choose the same, but we might also say
"You know what? Fuck it - let's go!"
Social contracts, whether explicit or implied, should aim to make us stronger as individuals and as participants in society. We should be encouraging others to hold us accountable, because we should be consistently acting with integrity. What we believe, what we say, and what we do - should align. If they don't, if there is inconsistency, there is conflict. It means that we are internally conflicted, especially when we know that the excuses we provide, are not the real reasons at all and we know we could be doing something better for ourselves, and for others.
Conditions will never be perfect and yes, we do need time for recovery and to ourselves. But, how much time do we need to rest, what is the percentage? If we are living our lives in ways that we can't do what moves us forward toward where we are headed, because we have to recover from all the things that are sapping our energy, what quality of life do we actually have? Is that a meaningful life lived?
Wake up.
Or do you have another excuse to again press snooze?
Taraz
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