How confident are you?

I was talking with a friend the other day that I am becoming increasingly insecure, even in areas where previously I was quite confident in my skills due to experience and feedback. What I find interesting about it is that there are many people who are confident despite lack of experience and feedback pointing to incompetence. Is it delusional confidence or is it a strategy that helps them navigate their shortcomings and helps them overcome?

The other thing I find interesting about it, is how a lack of confidence in one area can lead to profound effects on other areas. For example, I have a friend who is highly skilled in their field, but also very self-conscious of being quite overweight. While she tries to lean into her skillset, obtrusive thoughts about her weight come in any time she facing any kind of situation she deems as negative, like getting professional feedback on some of her ideas. She can't help feel it is "about her weight" even when it most likely has nothing to do with it at all.

"If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail"

Because her own weight is constantly at the forefront of her mind, it has become her hammer, her lens through which she views everything. When things go well she feels she has overcome despite her weight, and when they don't, she has failed due to her weight. It doesn't really matter what the subject is, pretty much everything is anchored to her weight insecurities, which is why body image is so important, but also something that we should severely limit in importance.

But it is our focal image about anything that is going to become our lens, whether it be our financial position, the colour of our skin, our education, our perception of beauty, our height, or a million other possible points. We accept that for instance, there is such a things as "Napoleon Complex" where short men overcompensate for their stature with aggressive, domineering and overly ambitious behaviour - though Napoleon was actually of average height for his time. Yet, pretty much anything can become a complex and how it "presents" in an individual can vary a great deal.

While I have never been very confident as a whole, I have been confident in some aspects of my life, but have had those same areas impacted heavily by external influences. For example, when I was young I had a lot of confidence in my physical abilities, but through chronic illness at 16, I became bedridden within a few months - taking away any confidence I had. But at least I had my mental prowess, only to lose that due to a stroke five years ago.

This is what has been leeching my confidence heavily.

At the same time though, there are people who are supremely confident even though they don't have close to the abilities I currently have. They just don't care. Yet, I question whether it is a better life to be confidence without warrant under a dunning-Kruger effect, or be somewhat insecure and understand limitations. From moment to moment my intuition tells me it is better to be confident, but then I also see some very confident people continually getting themselves into trouble because they don't view the reality of a situation and align poorly in behaviour.

What about you?

Are you generally confident in yourself, or generally insecure? I think that I have moved from somewhat confident down to somewhat insecure, and I notice it impacting on my thoughts and behaviours, where I spend a lot more effort interrogating decisions that in the past would have been made far more easily, especially when they carry low cost of failure. I assume being extremely insecure would be quite debilitating and while it might present as aggression, I suspect it would more likely result in self-exclusion instead. A bit like my friend who avoids any activity where she feels she may be judged on her physical abilities, even with friends.

Is it important at all?

I am interested to hear what your relationship with confidence has been so far, and some of the reasons for changing dynamics and shifts over time. What do you think is valuable about being confident or not, and how do you think an individual can best utilise it in their daily life.