Sometimes, you just have to grow up.
Just a little.
Which is why we have spent this weekend cleaning up Smallsteps' room. Not much actually gets thrown away since it will go to younger children in the family and charity, but there was a lot of things whose time was expired for this stage of her life. I guess most kids go through a stage where they don't want to let go of stuff, even though they know they have outgrown it.
I think I had less of a problem with it because I didn't have anyone putting any pressure on me to do it and, I had so little stuff. But I was thinking about it the other day that I tend to hold onto things that are given to me, even if they are not special, have an expiry date, or go off like food. I think it was because so little was given to me when young, as being the fourth child meant getting hand-me-downs. Nothing was really mine. So now, when something is mine, I treasure it.
My precioussssss.
The root of suffering is attachment.
I don't think it is possible to be truly detached from everything, so I guess it would be wise to really spend time considering what we are willing to suffer for. I think that personally, I have caused myself (and others) grief because I have been attached to things that were ultimately not that important, but I over-emphasised their meaning to me for some reason. So many things that in hindsight are just silly, or I don't even remember what they were. let alone why I cared so much.
I am generally getting better with this, sweating the small things less, but at the same time trying to work out what is actually important. Yes, family is important. But what I find interesting is that the small things I might "stress" about tend to be part of larger things. For instance, without naming names, let's say someone doesn't pack the dishwasher well and it is all over the place - It annoys me me for several reasons. One is that less fits in which means it is a waste of energy. Another is that it is harder to unpack (even though there is less in there) because things are all over the place. And then and more importantly, it speaks to a larger issue of organisation and taking the time to do it properly, thereby saving time.
Make good decisions, not bad habits.
I said this to Smallsteps the other day, and I think it is a pretty good quote. If no one else has said it, it is blockchained as mine. That aside, I have been saying to Smallsteps for a while when she goes out with friends and places to make good decisions and I think it is better than "don't do anything stupid". But what is interesting is that the decisions we make become our habits, which means if we make a habit to have a place for everything, and have a habit to put things in their place, the areas are always clean and orderly.
But this is about all habits, which are made based on repetition. If we were to continually make good decisions with the actions of our lives, we would build habits that nurture good outcomes. It is when we aren't paying attention and repetitively making bad decisions that we fall into the trap and build bad habits repetitively. And each has a knock-on effect that makes it easier to make another bad decision, and harder to make a good decision. When we are in that spiral downward, it is hard to pull out of it.
And I guess this goes with attachment to nonsense items and traditions that no longer serve us. We repetitively give them meanings that lose their validity, and make them part of our identity for some reason. Not necessarily that we are nothing without them, but that they represent some part of us and losing, discarding, or giving away that item or tradition, is giving away a part of us. It can be as silly as a pair of expensive shoes that are no longer usable. We have attached ourselves to the price paid, rather than the value they give, so getting rid of them is seen as a cost, when it is actually a gain to get rid of things that are no longer suitable.
We gain space, time, a reduction in psychic load.
While the three of us were cleaning up Smallsteps' room, I was thinking about all the things that have upset me that never needed to even move the needle at all. The loss of something that can no longer have anything done about it for instance. It is gone, move on. Learn from the experience though.
My brain struggles at the best of times with processing energy, which is one of the reasons I struggle with things like my willpower. Yet, knowing this, why would I add more mental load onto my brain that not only steals energy, but also create emotional turmoil which translates into physical stress too. It is silly.
I should be more like our dog.
Care for a moment, let it go, and then sleep peacefully.
Taraz
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