I have just spent the last hours doing my homework, like I am back at school, after getting the teacher's red pen corrections. The teacher this time though is my wife and what she is correcting is my CV - which I had already updated.
But not well enough.
The suggestions she has made are actually really good and far better than I would have come up with in such a short time. She does have a fair amount of experience reading through thousands of resumés that cover the full spectrum of brilliant to ghastly, as she works in recruiting.
And is very good at her job.
And well, my first effort was definitely on the ghastly side, and my second effort was much better. But once I sent that through for "grading", I already knew it was lacking. For what might be a surprise to many here, I often just don't have the words, and there is no place more sparse when I am forced to talk about myself, my achievements, or my history. I think it is because, I don't find much of that important. The question I quickly move to is,
"What's next?"
This is a terrible approach in many respects, because it tends to gloss over achievements and for many people, it probably feels like what they have done is not good enough. That is not what I intend by that though, it is just that whatever has come in the past, no matter how good, can still be improved on. So, the next step is to work out where and how to improve.
While I am getting better at it, I still need to put more energy into celebrating the wins along the journey, rather than only celebrating when the task is done. Because ultimately, no task is ever really complete to the point that it is perfect, even if it is good enough in the moment. I am very good at getting good enough, but I don't celebrate those as wins, even if it is the best that could be done in the circumstances, because it isn't the best I could do.
But I also know that technically, we are always doing and producing the best we can do in the moment, because that is what we were able to do. There is no option otherwise. It is a bit like when people talk about "living in the now" as if there is somewhere else to live.
There is only now.
However, as I have said before, the real benefit of relationships is facilitating growth, and this pretty much should be the understanding of all relationships. The only way my wife can help me, is to help me improve, and while it might not be comfortable at times for me, I should a the very least reflect on what she says. And, she should reflect on what I say also - even though I am often missing the strategy and eloquence required to make it appealing.
A healthy relationship looks out for each other.
Not to pick on each other and pull up every mistake, but to be a second set of eyes that are able to see situations from different perspectives, and help the other process situations that they might be blind to. If my fly is down, or I have something in my teeth, I want someone to tell me. And when it comes to a marriage, when my proverbial fly is down, it is a risk for everyone.
That is poorly worded.
But what I mean is that we are in this relationship together, and her outcomes affect me, and my outcomes affect her, and our combined outcomes affect our life together with our daughter. If we can help each other identify and shore up weaknesses, as well as identify and highlight strengths, we are both better off for it as a couple, and as individuals.
And now, while still not perfect, my CV is far better than it was a couple hours ago and who knows, maybe it is the thing that makes the difference in getting a foot in the door, or being rejected at the mailbox. I am better face to face than I am in CV, but with the sheer volume that the recruiters are getting now, they reject very fast, otherwise they will never get to the next stage at all.
The "What's next?"
I should buy my wife flowers.
Taraz
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