Get to the point.
What I have learned, is that my wife doesn't like being told that her stories are rambling and hard to understand. They are like a mix of choose your own adventure, detective novel, and acid trip. I need a murder board with red string to attach all the references and background stories, possible leads and of course a red marker, to cross out the dead ends.
I know.
The irony.
But, while I often actually enjoy my wife's stories, this was more in a specific sense about the way she might approach some professional conversations, especially around providing feedback. Giving feedback is often quite hard for many people, and for a lot, even harder than receiving it. However, it is a necessary part of life for anyone who wants to improve at something, or anyone who needs to improve in an organization. Though, it doesn't have to be painful.
But, rambling feedback is terrible to receive, because it creates stress and unnecessary ambiguity. This leaves too much open to interpretation, and often, it is also accompanied with no clear way forward. There are many models for giving feedback, but it is pretty easy to do if prepared correctly, and like a good story, there is an introduction, a middle and an end.
First of all, no one really likes unsolicited feedback, so asking for permission is the starting point, even if it in a supervisory role where the expectation is that feedback will be given. Depending on the circumstances, a separate time might need to be set up for it, rather than delivering it there and then - but priming in some way gets their consent, and helps them prepare.
Then when it comes to giving the actual feedback itself, it has to be given on something that is within their power to influence, not something that is unchangeable. Essentially, it has to be behavioral, and something that is observable. This way, the conversation can start with something they have done, not something that is about them personally. Stating what has been observed, with something concrete means that there isn't room to argue at that point.
Next, it is on to the follow through, which is to express the impact of the observed behavior, which could be a personal impact based on feelings, or some kind of other indicator, like a business impact of some kind. Whatever it is, there needs to be a reason that the behavior is being mentioned, otherwise, what is the point of the feedback?
But after the situation and impact has been stated, it is time to get some perspective on it, by asking the recipient if this is how they see circumstances, and perhaps get some reasons as to why this behavior is so. Possibly, once they have expressed themselves, the behavior is justified and acceptable. Or, perhaps they will realize that it is unacceptable themselves, which leads to the last stage, which is where to go from here.
Next steps are vital, and this can be a collaborative effort where firstly, the recipient of the feedback proposes a course of action, then it can be discussed in more detail, and how to follow up on it. This way, there is responsibility and accountability that is agreed upon, and expectations set on what a successful outcome will look like.
Going through these simple steps means that there is more "fairness" in the feedback process because voices are heard, and ensures that it is actionable on both sides, where there is a consequence of the observed behavior if nothing changes, and steps to take with consequences if things do change. Interestingly perhaps, this works with reinforcing good behaviors also, but of course, nothing need change in those cases, except perhaps to install more of the same or better.
I have been trialing this method recently, and it has yielded some good results on both the negative and the positive feedback sides. I have also used this with my daughter a bit, and she has responded well to it also, as it gives her a chance to hear how her actions matter, and then reflect on them to see if there is a better way for her to go forward. And on the positive, it makes her feel good that she has been noticed.
I need to get better with my wife.
How about you - do you have a way you give feedback?
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
