Are you ever envious over what another has?
Last night at dinner, most people ordered what apparently they always order for a starter when at this restaurant, a lobster soup. However, I ordered a beef tartar dish and when the woman sitting opposite me found out, she said she might have "portion envy", as no matter how many times she visits this place, she checks the menu, tosses up between the tartar and the shrimp - but always gets the shrimp.
I can't speak to the soup, but the tartar was excellent.
All eight of us ordered the same main - pepper steak.
Also good.
The ice hockey world championships are currently on (jointly hosted by Sweden and Denmark) and while I was watching the Finland-France game, it brought to mind a conversation I had just last night - that I am envious of fans. You know, the people who are willing to go to another country, paint their faces in team colours, and scream at the referee - regardless of the call. Or the people who know everything about their favourite boyband, or are crazy about motorsport. It isn't the face painting and throwing underwear on stage that I am envious of, it is that they care enough to even make the effort to look like fools for it. I don't think I have ever liked something that much.
Well, my wife.
I made myself look stupid often for her.
To be a true fan though, it has to come naturally, it can't be forced. Going through the motions isn't enough, there has to be that drive to want to go through the motions. I can dress up like an idiot and pretend to care, but that isn't the point, is it? To be a fan, you have to care, but I just don't care enough about anything to be fanatical over it.
Am I missing out?
I think so.
Like the person I was speaking about last night was a huge fan of Take That, the English boyband from the 90s - and she knew everything about them, had all the posters covering the walls of her bedroom, and new every lyric of their songs by heart. She lived and breathed with the band, but interestingly - never had the chance to go to one of their concerts. But this didn't lessen her fandom and perhaps, it made it stronger.
I am envious.
For her at that stage in her young life, the object of her obsession brought a huge amount of meaning to her, as well as built a large selection of tightly bundled memories around that time. In comparison, when I was at that age, my experiences and interest were a hodgepodge of random interactions with the world, not really taking any path, not really finding any direction I was interested in taking. Just wandering around. I don't know if I was lost, or just apathetic.
Just pathetic?
You know something funny? Pathetic these days means someone or something to pity, but originally it meant something that affects the emotions. So, this means that people whose emotions are easily moved, are pathetic. Apathetic on the other hand, means showing or feeling no emotion, enthusiasm or concern.
I might have been apathetic - now I am pathetic.
I feel like I am too old to become a fan of anything to the point I am fanatical, but I do wonder what that kind of interest in something really feels like. What is it like to feel passionate about who wins a sports game, or even who wins an election? What does it feel like to go to a concert for a band that you are fanatical about, singing along to and feeling every word?
Are you envious of anything?
Taraz
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