I am glad that I am not the only unmotivated person in the office today, as even my supervisor is feeling the effects of the week/ month/ year behind us. It seems there is something in the air, water, food... For me, my main issue is that I had my injection last night, which knocks me for a couple days after. Though, my motivation is non-existent anyway after the stroke, but what I am lacking today is the power to power through.
Living life by force is not pleasant.
Could be worse.
Which is a stupid thing to say, even if it is true, because it is always true. Better and worse is relative to a position, and no matter where the current point stands, there is the potential for either direction.
Could be worse... could be a fuckload better too!
While I do believe that we should be grateful for what we have in our lives, I sometimes feel that this position is pushed so other people can feel better in theirs. It isn't that they want to help, rather, they just don't want to have to deal with seeing it, as it brings them down too. But, if they are the ones that are experiencing difficulty, do they appreciate people saying "it could be worse", or do they want to be listened to, get a sense that someone cares that it is shit as it is, even if it could be shitter?
Avoidance.
This is the culture now. Anything that makes us feel unacceptably uncomfortable, is bad and should be avoided, or attacked. Compared to the past, we aren't overly good at dealing with discomfort now, and it has been extended into all parts of our life, where we can't even hear certain words without getting upset, as if we are mortally wounded by a short string of sounds.
Words are bad. Stress is bad. Ideas are bad. Everything is bad.
As you can read... I am bad.
I am actually not "too bad", but you know, sometimes it is good to vent a little and writing is a great way to do so, because it slows down thoughts a little, and gives space between to actually process. What I find is, that when I am in a more negative mood ("more" being relative to normal), by the time I finish writing, my brain has largely returned to the mean, found its balance again. If I just spend the time with my thoughts, it is more likely to double-down on my emotional state, like it craves the feeling.
Emotions are addictive.
And it isn't just our good emotions we want, because we also chase the negative, perhaps as it is in those states that we are more likely to be able to justify bad behavior. We can excuse it by telling ourselves "it is just a bad day, tomorrow will be different". When we have a good mood, most of us expect it to last, we don't say, "It is just a good day, tomorrow will be different". We might want to hold onto good feelings, but chasing the bad brings rewards too, like sympathy from others.
I wonder if there is a dopamine kick when we receive sympathy?
Maybe this is part of the reason so many people position themselves as victims, so that they can get that recognition, get that chemical reward from their body. It is an easier "hit" than to go through all the work of being good enough at something to get recognition and pats on the back for a job well done.
Play the victim card, feel like a winner?
Maybe it is okay from time to time to get a little sympathy, but when that is our game plan to feeling good about our lives, I don't think that is going to lead us down a path of positive growth and development. And, if in order feel good and grateful for what we have, we have to compare ourselves to conditions that are worse than ours, we are going to similarly end up walking down a path that degrades us, as there is always someone worse off.
Why not want to be better?
I think that trying to be better is a healthier path, though of course it can't be the only path. In my opinion, we should accept ourselves as we are today, including our flaws, but still look to improve ourselves for tomorrow. Learn, practice and grow ourselves into a better person with intention, rather than at the mercy of the world, pushed this way and that, rudderless and powerless. Like a snail, our daily journey might not take us far, but consistency over the course of a lifetime can.
If we don't improve, we never mature.
And if we don't reflect, we never know how far we have travelled. Spending a few minutes (or many minutes) writing each day gives space to reflect on our journey, with a closer proximity in time and space to where we have travelled. It gives a sliver of space each day to recognize our behaviors, our successes and our failures, and be grateful for what we accomplished, accept what we didn't, and make a plan for the future.
Tomorrow might be a better day, it might be a worse day, but it is another day to make a difference. And, even if we don't make much of a difference tomorrow, there is a day after, and a day after that to make an impact too. But eventually, there are no days left for any of us.
At that point, better or worse doesn't matter.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
