As I was saying the other day, I am probably the person that is good to have around when times are bad, but not the go to when times are good. I think that a lot of people believe that because I talk about serious topics, I take life too seriously, and maybe bring their mood down. Yet, I also question what is the difference between me and some of my friends, as many of them tend to end up struggling, taking time off from work, and then they ask me for advice.
As if I don't have problems of my own.
Why don't I break?
Maybe I do. But, maybe I don't feel I have the luxury to take time off. At least in my head, no matter how shitty life might be for me, I still have obligations to take care of. Like when I had the stroke in 2021, I was a couple months short of being able to take another couple months off, which I probably needed, but I went back to work after about 8 weeks.
There were bills to pay.
And of course, I am far from the only one whop has had to do similar or in far worse conditions, but it is interesting to consider if stress leave is for those with privilege. For instance, tomorrow night I will spend some time with a couple friends, as one of them is on leave now, and it would be good for him to talk with some friends out of the house for a bit. However, while I understand it, I also kind of don't, in the sense that in other circumstances, he would be working.
What I mean is that necessity is not only the mother of invention, it is also a driver that keeps us going through the tough times. And humans are able to put up with a massive amount if it means survival. Yet, nowadays, perhaps there isn't the same kinds of survival needs, so we end up breaking under the stress of working in an office, having too many forms to fill, or too many customers to attend to. Can you imagine what it would be like if the average professional worker was put in the conditions of a 1940s concentration camp?
An extreme example.
But it is a testament to not only what kinds of physical conditions we can endure, but also what kind of cruelty also. Just imagine those college kids complaining about what teachers or guest speakers say at university, put in a situation of real oppression.
Have we become soft?
Very likely.
I am glad that we have systems in place in Finland for people to take the time they need to improve their mental health. But at the same time, I wonder if it is also adding to the problem, continually lowering the bar to fall into burnout, rather than increasing the ability to cope under stress, to build strategies to manage the world we face, and a resilience mindset to not survive, thrive and still be able to help others when they need.
We keep looking for ways to avoid stress, rather than ways to manage it.
Perhaps one day I will break beyond the level of being able to manage, regardless of the obligations I need to meet. Maybe I will fall apart and be unable to put the pieces together again. I don't know, but I think that part of the reason that so many people struggle with their mental health and burnout, isn't the workload, but the lack of purpose in their lives. As far as I have observed, the people who know their purpose and are striving toward it, never burn out, no matter how busy they are. And when I mean they "know" their purpose, I am not just talking about them putting a label on something they want, but rather it is core to them, it is something they are willing to put everything into, even if it breaks them.
But it doesn't.
They find a way to survive.
I can't judge the complete lives of others, because I only see a sliver and nothing below the surface. But, the actions of others and the conversations they create are good points of reflection to take a step back and ask the question,
"Am I okay?"
Taraz
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