Pulling through one situation after the other forever is certainly not a happy life. (Photo: Pixabay)
In psychology, many terms start with “self”. There is self-esteem, self-confidence, self-worth, and self-expression, all of which are words we casually use. Self-reliance and self-sufficiency are not so common parts of our everyday speech.
Self-sufficiency is … self-explanatory. One more “self”-word. I did not even choose it on purpose. Self-sufficiency implies that one is able to sustain their life and fulfil their needs on their own without others’ input. Self-reliance is more abstract to me. It hints at the belief that one can manage to fight challenges on their own. It sounds somewhat similar to self-sufficiency, but there is one significant difference. Self-reliance is the trust in one’s abilities. Generally, one may be able to sustain their life independently yet fear the unknown. From the outside, such a person might appear strong and capable when, in fact, their soul is in pieces.
Self-sufficiency may carry a negative connotation, in the sense of being arrogant, even selfish. Some use the term to label people who live alone and are seemingly alright with being a loner wolf. Many take that as weirdness… but lack of acceptance is not the topic of this article.
· is confident in their strength and ready to face their fears, i.e., they are self-confident.
· knows their weaknesses and how to compensate for them, i.e., they are self-aware.
· has won battles before and knows that even though they are imperfect, they have many positive traits, too, i.e., solid self-esteem.
Yet, self-reliance is not a magical gift one receives at birth. It usually develops over time as one goes through life’s challenges, explores their abilities and limitations, accepts themselves as they are and works on improving their skills. It takes hard work. It takes lots of effort. It takes strength. Being self-reliant is an achievement resulting from a life-long battle.
"Self-reliant" - an abstract digital artwork that I generated using the AI in the Wombo Dream app.
· First and foremost, be patient.
Accept the fact that you cannot achieve miracles overnight. “Get results fast” is nothing but a marketing trick that has nothing to do with reality, ever.
· Be prepared to fall.
Your mental strength will be tested continuously. Sometimes you will be tired or stressed, and your energy is not enough to perform at your best. And this is fine. It does not make you a bad or an incompetent person.
· Consider the people you care about
A self-reliant person can manage to keep their cool when needed. Fear is acknowledged, but the person is prepared to act against it. Sacrificing your every drop of mental strength for your loved ones may sound noble, but you will undoubtedly collapse. Recognise your needs so that you can sustain your activities. They need your help and support.
· Spend time with your thoughts
Dedicate enough time to truly understand yourself and your wishes. Ask yourself what exactly will make you happy down the road. Think about the future and imagine what you need to achieve in order to consider yourself successful in life. A cake is something that makes you happy for a moment, but how about something that will make you happy ten years from now? Another piece of cake is an easy answer, and it will bring some pleasure, though, will you be satisfied with your life if you just indulge in small things and never bother aiming for the stars?
· Find your inner demons
This point is related to the above, and it can be accounted for by analysing your own thoughts. What are the situations that you avoid? What makes you wince? What scares you? Make a list, then start going into details, asking, “Why?”.
I am afraid of speaking up for myself.
Why?
Because I was not allowed to decide for myself as a child.
Why?
My parents were strict.
Why?
They wanted to ensure that I made no mistakes.
Why?
Because they love me.
Well, the chain of why-questions needs to stop eventually. At some point, the reasons go beyond yourself.
· Get rid of perfectionism
Perfectionism is poison. There is no benefit to aiming to remove every possible mistake or imperfection. It is unreasonable. And most importantly, it is a waste of your time and energy. We have a limited amount of energy every day. And our life is finite, too. Do not play the role of an almighty god. Be good enough—no need to be sloppy but give room for error.
Happiness lies in the fine difference between being able to survive on one’s own and actually being realistically aware of one’s strengths and weaknesses, experiencing no shame about them and keeping self-criticism to a minimum. This creates inner harmony and allows one to focus on enriching their life. We are mortal. We all make mistakes. They are simply life lessons in disguise. Life is not pure survival. There is joy and satisfaction to discover.
