Raising Resilient Kids

Raising Resilient Kids | Ecency

I’ve heard that line so many times: “My children must never go through what I went through.” And on the other side: “They have to suffer small, so they can know life.” Funny enough, I’ve nodded to both before depending on the day, the story, or the mood.

I’m not a parent yet, but I’ve thought about it a lot , what kind of upbringing I’d want for my kids, the truth is, I want to find the sweet spot, i want them to be comfortable, yes, but I also do not want them to walk through life thinking everything comes easy.

Because honestly? Some of the strongest lessons I’ve learned came from discomfort. From being told “no” when I wanted “yes.” From carrying water in the sun, sweeping the compound before cartoons, walking long distances because there was no transport money. At the time, I saw it as wickedness. Now? It built something in me, a kind of resilience that I’m genuinely grateful for.

But then again, not all the “hardness” was necessary. Some of it was just pain passed down in the name of training. Some of it could have been replaced with patience, better communication, and, well… love. Not the tough love with no softness. Actual love.

So for me, if and when I have children, I want to give them that balance, I want them to know that they are loved unconditionally and not because they scored 1st in class, or because they can cook soup at 10, just loved for existing, I want them to know peace inside the house, not just fear or silence when they hear the gate open.

But I also want them to have sense ,common sense, emotional sense, and that “you can’t cheat me” sense that life will demand. So yes, they will do chores. They’ll learn how to wash their socks and maybe mop the house. But not because I want to make them suffer , because I want them to be useful. I want them to value work, know how to take care of themselves, and not wait for someone to always pick up after them.

They will have access to tech and opportunities I never had, but I’ll still teach them how to greet people properly, how to say “thank you” and “I’m sorry.” They’ll know how to hold conversations with respect, and if they cross the line, oh yes, they’ll be corrected , not with fists, but with firmness.

You see, I believe children don’t need to fear their parents to obey them. They just need consistency. If I say I’ll take your phone when you misbehave, then I better take it. No need for 20 threats and shouting matches.

Will I be perfect? Of course not. I’ll mess up. I’ll overreact sometimes. Maybe even sound like my parents on certain days and laugh at myself afterward. But I hope to always listen. To apologize when I’m wrong. To model that saying “I’m sorry” doesn’t reduce you , it builds trust.

So yes, I won’t raise my kids the exact way I was raised. But I won’t throw it all away either. I’ll pick the parts that helped me grow, and leave the parts that only left scars.

Not too hard. Not too soft.

Just enough to make them strong, kind, grounded, and free, hope to be amazing mom someday

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