Well, let me tell you that I never wanted to start with this story. This is my first post on steemit after my introduceyourself post. Some may say that I am trying to play sympathy card but this is a very important part of my life and I don't how will I share my life experiences, learnings without it.
To start with, when I was barely of some 2 years of age I suffered from Polio. Most of you might not have heard about it but it was very much prevalent some 20 to 25 years back in India. Thank God/Nature/Science/Big Bang, India and most of the world is Polio-Free now.
So, polio affected my left leg, it is not as strong as right one and because of this, I have a weird limp gait. In childhood, I never understood that I was different. I used to play cricket with friends and I was doing all childhood stuff. At age of some 13 to 14 years, I started to realize that I am not like "normal" people. People use to treat me differently. In those teenage years, I slowly started to go into the shell and ultimately it lead me to depression.
I had moderate, middle-class family background; so I got plenty of food, education and all. I was good at studies, and I believe I had a brain that was doing its work. I completed my degree in Information technology and worked in the I.T. industry too. Fortunately, I didn't need to take any crutches or support. It was not that easy but I was independent.
But I was still under depression for a long time, like some 15 years. Over the time I became short-tempered and I was drifting away from family. I swamped my self in work to get away with depression, but it worsened the situation.
Then there was a phase in #life when I fell in love (a couple of times). But it always ended before starting. After a couple of such experiences, I made up my mind that no one will ever fall in love with me. I mean, I used to wonder myself; how a girl will dream a boyfriend with a limp. I accepted a defeat.
Then again the same solution, I buried myself in work; and once again it ended up in more depression. It was so bad that I took the biggest decision of my life in this phase. I decided to go through a surgery to improve my gait. Somewhere back of the mind, I knew that this surgery was not going to work. But I was so pissed about my life that still decided to go through it. (this how it looked like, it's not my photo, I lost it somewhere)
Illizarov Apparatus - Wikipedia
At that time I was at a prime of my career still I took that risk. It took a grueling year of bed rest, casts and all. I had gone through unimaginable pain in this phase, I did it in hope that something good will come out of it. I wished at end of the day I will be worthy enough that somebody will consider me. But........ surgery was unsuccessful, actually, it made the situation worse. I lost all my mobility, it took 6 more months of physiotherapy to get back what I had in first place.
The same #story again... buried myself in work.
Then there came the phase of arranged marriage. This might be strange for you guys, but here in India its normal thing. This time too I had gone through so much of humiliation that I don't know how to put it in words.
And I hit the rock bottom. I was so pissed with my life (i don't know whether I should share this or not) that I had suicidal thoughts.
Then out of nowhere, that one magical day came. I said to myself FU*K the world. This is how I am and I will not give a damn about the world. I accepted myself the way I am.
Acceptance, that was the solution. My whole life changed from that day. I joined the gym, was doing different activities, reading books, enjoying work and life altogether. Life suddenly flipped. Till date, I never understood how it happened.
Now, after some 4 to 5 years when I look back I realized that solution was right there in front of me. It was so simple. If I don't accept myself then how others will accept me. If I don't love myself, how others will love me.
That single thought changed my life. 3 years back once again I fell in love but this time end result was different. That girls also loved me like crazy, and she is my wife now.
I became so much confident that I left my safe, high paying job to start something on my own. As you guys know a startup is not an easy thing but I am enjoying all ups and downs. I am hustling and I am sure that I will achieve all my dreams. Those dreams are big enough to keep me going for years to come.
People used to call me "handicapped", "differently enabled" but I am not that anymore; I am "exponentially abled".
P.S - What I learned from these 15 years of depression is
accept yourself, love yourself first, others will follow.
