How long have I been away from blogging and this community?
I remember back in the days when I decided to be independent and started my own journey just to reach my dreams. That was before the pandemic, early 2018. Back then, I was gleaming with hope and confidence that I could take whatever life would throw at me.
I had a big goal, and I didn’t realize how big it really was.
I was confronted with the reality that not everything goes as planned. There were more failures and mistakes than progress. Every morning, I was hopeful, wishing to see a path that could lead me to my goals. I was praying for an entry point.
But looking at it now… what I thought I knew before was never at the level of what I know today.
I thought I understood everything and could build something on my own and with my own efforts. I never knew that I wasn’t even scratching the surface. I seemed like someone just peeking at something interesting. That situation felt like a breeze that went away, but I still remember how many years I was stuck in that phase of my life.
I was desperate.
I didn’t even know how to get out of that situation. Mind you, I even tried to simulate the happy days once I had achieved a portion of my dream. I can say I was imaginative at that time.
Idealist is something I want to be called.
Although it’s different from the real definition, it’s like a combination of being imaginative and flooded with ideas - from how I would like to describe it.
I love thinking, and I often get tons of ideas, but I forget them at times. There is a wall where I would conclude that a certain idea will have to wait. I couldn’t do anything about it. After all, I was only hoping to hit it big even though I was barely getting by every day.
I believed in the potential.
That was what kept me going even though I wasn’t seeing any solid proof of achievement. I guess I was delusional at that time. It took me years to finally move on from that point and continue.
And I'm back at it again.
I thought I was done with that same thing. These past few months, it felt like history was repeating itself. I was able to widen my horizon, but it made me realize that I’m still too far from understanding the path to get there.
This time, I met people and took the courage to socialize. But meeting some people has taught me that not every relationship stays the same. You will only see a person’s true colors in times of difficulty.
I was very careful in that situation, but still, the inevitable has happened. And right now, I just think of it as something that happened for a reason.
Today, I am trying to move and resume activities to reach my goals. I know the road forward can get hard, but so am I. I will treat everything as a lesson to further improve my reasoning and lens on people and the world. This will be a long journey, but I pray to get there before I lose something or someone again.