"Let your growth be a gift to them. Let them see it, let them feel it."
The last year of addiction is certainly a blur when looked back upon. Often it is filled with a number of failures, some more record breaking than others on a personal level. Others built on top of previous mistakes, leading you to state of, “I’ve had enough of this”. A lot of what you repeatedly risk is then stacked against you, and there’s not much left to lose other than yourself, and you recognize it. You begin to see most friends and family have grown used to your ways, and they realize it’s not on them anymore. That in itself is a powerful realization, when you see others are putting the recovery process in your hands. Not in a supportive way though, they’re sick of dealing with it themselves. It makes you realize the issue too big for them to help you overcome. As a result, you begin making the right decisions for yourself and no one else.
It’s not just about the right decisions, but new ones based on the light you see. As if you’ve had tunnel vision, and you’re just now coming into the full view. A difficult part about this process is the acceptance of how far you’ve set yourself back. You realize this only when you see how much work is involved inside just one year. Take a step back, and you can see how much beyond that first year is yet to be accomplished, more importantly maintained. A humbling moment, but sometimes those moments can scare you, which is a good thing. You need to experience fear again, it’s a guide to steer you away from wrong decisions.
Putting skin in the game is a large part of the last twelve months, especially towards end. For many, they’ve impacted relationships with others beyond repair, especially trust. Once trust is gone, it’s hard for anyone to believe you’re making a run at recovery. In their eyes, it’s just another selfish plug of yours, to upkeep an image and buy yourself time between now and the next guilt-ridden high. Not to add another brick to the wall of problems, but you now must prove yourself to others in order to get their support. Even if only emotional support, or the confidence they’re rooting for you, is enough.
So you must ask yourself, are you serious about this? If not, and you blow it, it’s just another pattern you’ve formed which must take it’s own course. This time though, the pattern will consist of other people’s perspectives, bound by your lies and failed promises. If you’re serious and believe this is it, then you’ve got to put skin in the game by making commitments to the right people. Those who are willing to put themselves on the line, with the potential to be disappointed and endure you failures.
Start by contacting those people, and perhaps making a list of commitments to them for the next few months. This may include calling them regularly, seeing how they are, keeping them informed on how you are, and taking part in outings you haven’t in some time. After all they probably stopped inviting you to those events, and rightfully so. Find ways, and confirm with them, which ones will help gain their trust and support again.
The greatest influence you can make on others throughout this turning point in your life, is by showing your improvement naturally. No matter where you are in the process, what they want to see is improvement. This comes secondary to you making good on past mistakes.
Let your growth be a gift to them. Let them see it, let them feel it.
