A common question I get from time to time, is whether or not I've begun to master my addiction.
The truth of it is, no, I will absolutely never be the master of anything and even more so my addictive tendencies. Sure, I'll admit that the addictive fibers that used to line my body are now smaller, and much less compared to before. Even now though, I will never picture a point where I'm the master of this opponent or danger in my life.
The true master that's waiting outside my door every day, is life itself, and you know what? Every day I will politely bow down, acknowledging it's power while responding, "Not today". Today you will not break my spirit. Today you will not rob me of who I've grown to be. Today, will not be the first day of my fall back to rock bottom.
Often I like to picture my addiction as the most hideous creature my imagination can come up with. Something so dark and evil, latching on to my spirit, draining my ability to climb out of the darkness. A 3 foot 5 inch, wretched long-nosed troll, mostly skin and bones, with patches of hair coming out the orifices of it's scaled skin from all my drug use. It’s body, frail and hunched over, often sits in the corner of my room…growing more hideous with each passing hour of my sobriety. Over time though, he's faded away into dust and moved on to another source of light. I'll never doubt it’s ability to manifest again, as it’s power is drawn entirely from the absence of mine.
For the time being, and mostly always, I think we must consider ourselves to be students in every facet of life. No matter what the task at hand, or skill level required, there will always be someone out there who's experienced worse than you. And if they haven't experienced something worse than you, then they've for certain experienced something different or traveled some kind of alternate path.
Where we begin to become true masters is in our ability to come together, sharing our experiences and power with one another. I think we've all heard at one time or another the story of someone who couldn't overcome their struggles until they’d become part of something "bigger than themselves". The same concept applies here, as I don't believe any of us individually can take this life-long challenge on. At some point along the road, we've relied on others for advice, feeding off who they've become as a glimpse of the person we could be. It's a influential movement that grows with more experience. The more you give, the more connections you will make, the more strength you will receive in return.
