‘Click’… My frightened eyes perch open in a snap panic, but I can’t feel my body. A heaviness infuses my blood and separates my mind from my legs, my arms and my ability to defend what little remains of my conscious ability. ‘Click’ … Frantic glances around the cold dark room do nothing to entice a powerful cry for battle as I prepare to stare my fear into realisation. The echo of the click entraps itself in my mind, prolonging the torment of helplessness.
‘Click’… An internal trigger is pulled, every single one of my cells clad up, unite and transform my lifeless state into a reanimated surrogate. I feel my movements governed by the angriest puppet master I’ve ever met, I can feel its rage dictate my every emotion and my every intention. I know if I stay here too long it will take me, I won’t let it take me.
‘Click’… My hand slams through the wall butted up against my mattress, snapping my wrist and pulling my body to the edge, but that’s not enough. The following collection of seconds that slow to eternity have my teeth grinding and my other arm reaching for the blade I keep by the head of my mattress. My mind is fighting for my freedom, but my master has other plans as ‘click’ the blade rips through the side of my leg. By the will of my hand, I’ve managed to force its projection in the opposite direction – away from my hearth.
‘Click’… Surging in disgust with failure to deliver fatality, I’m launched from my mattress and slammed head first in to the cold concrete floor. As I lay there, the memory of seeing my friend taken so casually floods into recall like a Tsunami of reckless havoc devastating a peaceful slumbering village. I watched it all, through a haze of cries and a veil of tears. The rope, the trunk, the screeches, the scene was so small and distant, but it played in my mind like a kaleidoscope theatre, as if it was happening all over again in real time. No matter how fast my legs move, they can’t move fast enough across the rice field. My shouts ricocheting off her screams and their movements like cold hale on a closed window.
‘Click’… I’m awake now, I’m in control. I lay broken, unmoving and bleeding. ‘Click, click, click’… I stare at the pilot light on my radio through the reflection on my wrist watch, its monotonous never-ending melody soothes me into freedom. My bloody breath returns to pace and the searing pain starts to creep in. I may be broken, but I’m free, I’m not helpless.
‘Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee’… The smell of smouldering smoke gently billowing through the passenger’s side of the car wakes me from my sudden sleep. I’m pinned to the wheel, my ears are ringing but I can still hear in the background the car alarm beckoning me to move quickly. I can’t move, the wriggling makes it harder. From the corner of my eye I see movement. I know in the back of my mind, I’ve been here before. The people, the place, the car, the situation. Something in my core persuades me to give in, the scene goes dark and I can finally sleep in the arms of eternity.
** Stuff's gotta sleep!
