“Though I am often in the depths of misery, there is still calmness, pure harmony and music inside me.”
Navigating on the continuum of extremes is the soundtrack of my life. The rollercoaster that is my mind is either full speed on the highest of highs, or ridiculously slow on the lowest of lows. There’s no in between, it’s either ecstatic bliss, or profound sadness. I’m all in, or I’m all out. I give it my all, or I give nothing at all. I run 20 k, or I don’t run a mile. I wanna conquer the world, or forget that it even exists. Why engage in this madness? I don’t know what to say beside the fact that it’s what I know best. While life can at times feel like the greatest party on the planet, I never know when will be the next tropical storm that will take my brain from me to throw it into a vortex of insanity.
The secret magician Sab in me knows too damn well how to turn any passion into an obsession that will further down the road become a weapon of self-destruction. Being in control of your body is all fun and games until it takes your sanity away from you. 4 purple toes later, and it still ain’t stopping her. But too much is like not enough, and I have been wanting to make this craziness stop. There’s an addictive form of satisfaction that comes out of pushing your body to its greatest limits, but it comes to a price that I’m not willing to pay for no more. For once in my life, I want to strike middle ground. I want to find a healthy balance and stay there. I love physical activity too much to do it daily. I suck at imposing on myself limits.
But things are changing now, and a new normal is under construction. The idea is to take it day by day. No plans, no obligations, no sacrifices. But most of all, no external motivation or rewards to govern the choices that I make. I’ll do a four minute plank for the sake of doing it, not because the fake little bitch in me wants to sculpt the fuck out of my body.
Pay attention to the signs it is sending you.
One Love My Beautiful People 💜
