" We live in a disposable culture. We get something, we use it, and when we’re done with it, we throw it away – whether it’s a hammer, a friend, or our partner. We aren’t expected to devote ourselves to anything, so we don’t practice being loyal or committing ourselves to things or to people. " -Daniel Doen Silberberg
In the throwaway society that we live in, leaving has proven to be easier than committing. We don’t want no fixing - throwing is perhaps more appealing. Keeping our options open is the new norm. Why choose one when I can choose to have it all?
The sad truth is that people enter relationships thinking in terms of “What can I get out of this?” rather than “How can I serve this person the best I can?.” It is no wonder then that when our needs aren’t being met, we take the easy way out. I can’t change you? No biggie, I’ll replace you! Just like a phone that no longer offers the right set of stimulation, we exchange our relationship for another one. And here the cycle goes - and our new relationship becomes a new ground for us to repeat our old mistakes.
I don’t love you because you are. I love you so long as you fulfill my every need. I love you because “of the way you make me feel” “because of what you bring me” you-name-it. Stop doing all of those things, and it won’t be long before the love that I have for you dissipates.
Our swipe right culture has built in us this sense of immediacy. We want -happiness -novelty -variety -entertainment - all those fleeting pleasures - and we want them now. When all these fun stuff leave the room - we lose it. Why should I fight the fight when I can fuck my boredom away with someone who will provide me with what you’ve stopped providing me with? We’re driven by our selfish desires and lose touch with the bigger picture.
Relationships aren’t meant to be all fun and games at all times. They ebb and flow. They come with pain, sacrifice, boredom, periods of disconnection and unhappiness - because that is how life goes. It’s a fallacy to believe that a new candidate will bring us back to fantasy land forever. Perhaps, during the cocaine enhancing like honeymoon phase, but sooner or later, we will find ourselves right where we left our previous partnership off.
Maybe things could be different if we’d let go of our own agenda. If we ditched this mentality of “Is this as good as it gets?” If we stopped being in it only for the good times. If we stopped putting our own needs and pleasure above it all. Life is difficult and romantic relationships are no exception to that. They are extremely complex and demand us to stop abiding by the rules of our shitty selfish ego. Do you want to be right or do you want to be at peace? (Don’t let your ego answer that one!)