" Emotion is not just some "primitive" remnant of an earlier reptilian evolutionary past. Emotion directs the flow of activation (energy) and establishes the meaning of representations (information processing) for the individual. It is not a single, isolated group of processes; it has a direct impact on the entire mind. " ― Daniel J. Siegel
Emotions serve a purpose. To dismiss their importance is to rob ourselves of developing greater emotional intelligence . There’s a widespread cultural belief that expressing emotions is a sign of weakness. Yet this faulty assumption could not be further from the truth. The truth is that so long as we are living beings, we will feel. And there’s no other way around it, we all at times or another will feel emotions within us that may trigger certain parts of ourselves we may wish we could have ignored. Our emotions are there to signal us that they need our attention. They need us to connect with them. They need us to put them in words so we understand them.
I love to use my iceberg analogy quite a lot, as in the department of emotions, we ought not to take the surface as all there is. Someone may be displaying anger from the outside, yet underneath anger could be hidden sadness. Therefore, anger may be the immediate emotion that the individual expressed, but maybe that person is acting out of a place of sadness. Hence why the importance of bringing our emotions to our conscious awareness to uncover their true meaning.
No matter what you have been taught to believe in your household growing up, please never think that expressing how you feel is a sign of weakness or inadequacy. You matter. Your emotional world matters. Make space for it. When you feel an emotion arising within you, give it permission to be. Don’t pass any judgments on what you feel. All emotions are valid. Just observe your emotions flowing through you.
Suppressing your feelings is a destructive coping mechanism. Self-compassion is a beyond necessary skill to cultivate toward ourselves. When you allow yourself to feel what’s in you, you can extend that to other beings in your life. The fact is that if you dismiss your emotional world, you are likely to do the same with others. Because you see and interpret the world through your own internal reality. If your belief system has been built around bottling up any unpleasant emotion, it won’t be a coincidence that you expect the same from people close to you.
Emotional regulation does not happen without emotional recognition. If we don’t connect with our human emotions, we can’t possibly find healthy ways to express them. It’s normal to feel. What isn’t normal is to shut our emotions down because we've been led to believe we should not feel them.
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