Dear Steemit,
a lesson that I've noticed many people are reluctant to learn is that you cannot love someone back to health.
Love is a necessary step in the process, of course. Whether the person in need can provide their own or get it from others, it's definitely necessary. I believe this is witnessed physically too, but my experiences are related to mental illness, so that's what I'll be focusing on.
As you already know, I have anxiety. Severe, crippling, life ruining anxiety. I've also been suffering from depression for years, although recently I've been having more periods where it's more manageable than not. I don't open up to just anyone about this, and have a hard time being honest about anything that makes me feel so weak. Still, I have given a few friends VIP access to the inside of my mind. In the end, I always feel guilty for doing so.
I get lonely, you see. Not just physically or emotionally, but I get tired of handling my problems alone, and it becomes unbearable unless I let someone else carry a bit of the weight. They do so, without any sign of bitterness, and this is my main source of meaningful love. There's no other reason they would carry that weight for me unless they genuinely cared. I am aware of this, and the gratitude I feel is indescribable.
The problem arises when they believe the load I have given them to bear is everything I have. They don't realize that my pile is constantly growing, continuing to crush me. Without their help, I would be much worse off, but there is still more. Always more. And it has my name on it, not theirs. These are problems I have to face, not alone, but on my own. I have to chip away at them, and it's a slow process. As glad as I am that they have taken some of it off my back, they never seem to be satisfied.
Their love, no matter how helpful, cannot cure me of any mental illness. There are limits to what it can do. How much it can help. Like I mentioned earlier, it's necessary. Without loving people in my life I don't believe I would have made it this far. I'm also learning to become a source of love for myself, because while I can give endless amounts to others, I notice I have very little for myself.
I give love to others easily. I'll gladly bear any weight someone needs taken off their shoulders. So yes, I too have been disappointed when I noticed their load continuing to pile up. Disappointed and helpless. When it comes to mental illness, or stress in general, we shouldn't have expectations. We should do the best we can in the given circumstance. We should give as much love as we can, and offer as much support as we can, but never pin the blame on ourselves, or even them, when it doesn't seem like enough, or when they continue to suffer.
Another thing we need to take into consideration is that the outcome isn't always visible. Not all love is loud and in your face, sometimes it's subtle. Maybe you helped them in the quiet ways, like ridding them of some loneliness, or giving them peace of mind for a night. The results don't need to be huge in order to be appreciated. They don't need to be irreversible either, and they definitely don't need to be focused on you and what you want from them in return. Y
ou are not some miracle worker, you are a human just like the rest of us, and that is enough.
This lesson, or perhaps I should humbly call it a revelation, is not one I took lightly. I can't claim to have helped many people, but there are a few people close to my heart that I have stood by while they healed. I consider myself an empath, whether that is accurate or ego-induced self righteousness, I haven't figured out yet. Watching people hurt is not easy for me, but I have come to terms with the fact my love and support are designed to help someone on their journey, not complete it for them.
Offering love is the best thing you can do in your life; just make sure you are willing to give it it without strings attached.