Main Characters
Blackjack – Bling species - Looks like a fat parrot with zebra stripes. Male. Has arms and legs. Eats, drinks, and breathes somewhat like humans. Owner of The Blazing Muffin starship
Pokher – Tippity species - Looks like a lizard walking upright with a swordfish for a face. Eats, drinks, and breathes somewhat like a human. Female
Blue – Swig Species - Floating, pulsing ball. Female. Communicates via color changes. Moves objects with telekinesis. Absorbs nutrients from various plants and animals by touching them and absorbing them. Also absorbs water.
Tom - Human
Pixel – Species is part synthetic, so was created by another, unknown species. Are found in many parts of the universe. Pixel was created on Planet Bling (hence knowing Blackjack) Consists of trillions of particles, part biological, part synthetic. Male. Absorbs energy from the atmosphere. Doesn’t eat, drink, or breathe.
Episode 3
Scene 1
Pixel is the only one on The Blazing Muffin. He is in orbit around Lechuga Prime while his shipmates are on the surface. The Blazing Muffin is being approached by two Lechuga Subprime Raiders and trillions of miniature spaceships. Pixel has just contacted Blackjack on the surface.
Blackjack: What kind of company?
A garbled reply comes back.
Pixel (garbled): Attempting to beam you back.
Blackjack: Damn quantum communicators! (pause) Hey, didn’t you sell me those, Dealer?
Dealer conveniently says nothing.
Computer: The mini-ships have dispersed and are attempting to surround us.
Pixel: Call ‘em!
Computer: Which one?
Pixel: All of them! Whoever answers first, we’ll talk to them. And why can’t we beam up the crew?
Computer: The mini-ships are interfering with our attempts. One of the mini-ships is responding to our call.
Pixel: On screen now!
A tiny blip appears on the screen.
Pixel: Magnify to where I can actually see them.
The picture is magnified. An insect resembling an Earth mosquito appears on the screen. It is wearing an absurd amount of military regalia.
Pixel: Hey, I’m Pixel.
Mosquito-like alien: I’m Captain Stingus Maximus, servant of Lord Emperor President Chancellor Dominus Khan’s Grand Universal Empire of the Splat Culture.
Pixel (sarcastic): Well, your grand modesty, can I ask why you’re interfering with my ship’s functions and surrounding my ship?
Captain Stingus: We seek tribute for Lord Emperor….
Pixel cuts him off: Yeah, yeah. You want to rob me. And you brought two Lechuga Subprime ships with you? Let me guess, your governments have reached an agreement to help each other pillage around the universe.
Captain Stingus: You dare insult our grand empire! You have two choices, you can submit and give tribute, or we will be forced to board you and commandeer your ship.
Pixel: You mean steal. (hits mute button on control panel)
Pixel: Computer, what are my chances of getting out of this?
Computer: Very poor.
Pixel: All weapons are online?
Computer: Yep, but their ships are dispersed too widely to effect all of them.
Pixel: Even the warbling sonic shockwave cannon?
Computer: Yes, even the warbling sonic shockwave cannon. They’re firing at us, by the way.
Pixel: Ok, fire everything we’ve got at them, then send an emergency message to the crew on the ground, and get us out of here!
Computer: Got it. How fast?
Pixel: Faster than them!
On the viewscreen, it looks like a psychedelic laser light show.
Computer: Good news! So we managed to disable over fifty percent of their armada, including the Lechuga ships.
Pixel: That’s great!
Computer: Bad news! Our shields are damaged, and now we’re starting to be boarded by some of the little buggers.
Pixel: Get us out of here now!
The Blazing Muffin speeds away in a blinding flash and is pursued by a portion of the armada.
Pixel: Did you send the emergency message to the ground crew?
Computer: Yeah, they should receive it in a few minutes.
Meanwhile, on Lechuga Prime…..
The Dealer: Hey, I just got word from a friend of mine that works private orbital security. He said there was a small star cruiser that just fled a massive little armada, if that makes sense.
Blackjack: If he saw it, why didn’t he do anything to help?
The Dealer: He said he would have, but you were parked so far out that it was outside of his normal scope of observation. Why’d you park so far out, anyway?
Blackjack: I didn’t think it mattered!
Pokher: I knew we should’ve done a closer orbit.
The Dealer: Anyway, my friend got some bounty hunters on the case and they’re pursuing your ship along with whoever those tiny aggressors are. He’s staying behind with some other orbital security professionals to deal with those that remained behind.
They're interrupted by a loud thunking noise on the ground near them. They all put their attention on a small sphere that just crash landed a few feet from them.
Tom: What the hell is that?
Blackjack: An emergency message in a bottle from The Blazing Muffin!
Blackjack scurries over and picks up the sphere, opens it, and pulls out a cylinder from inside. He starts turning the cylinder, which gives an electronic message as he slowly turns it. The message shows fast video clips of what just happened on The Blazing Muffin, and then shows text that reads:
WE JUST GOT ATTACKED BY A BUNCH OF VIOLENT CONTROL FREAKS
COULDN’T BEAM YOU UP
DISABLED A LOT OF THOSE PESKY LITTLE VERMIN
GOT BOARDED BY A COUPLE DOZEN OF THEM
FLED THE SCENE
HOPE TO SEE YOU SOON
BEST
THE BLAZING MUFFIN
Tom: Whoa, they looked like mosquitoes!
Blue: Like what?
Tom: A super annoying earth insect. There were so many of them! It was like a Mosquito Armada!
Blackjack: Dealer, can you take us up to have a look at the situation? Maybe deal with the disabled members of the Mosquito Armada and help me get my ship back?
Dealer: Gee, I dunno, man. I’ve got an appointment with my leaf trimmer, then I have to….
Blackjack cuts him off: Great friend you are!
Dealer: Just kidding, man! My ship’s on autopilot coming to meet us now. You’re so uptight! When we get back, I know a great masseuse for ya.
Blackjack: You’re such a &^((**!
Meanwhile, back on The Blazing Muffin, Pixel has divided itself into dozens of parts in an effort to thwart the invaders. He has also deployed some of the robot cleaning crew to pursue them as well, under the control of the computer.
Computer (commenting on one of the robots attempting to vacuum up one of the invaders): Vacuum’s are so archaic! You wasted time and resources printing those up.
Pixel: Just because something is old, doesn’t mean it doesn’t work well.
One of the robots is successful in vacuuming up one of the invaders.
Computer: Wow! It actually caught one!
Pixel: Have it shot out the airlock immediately!
Pixel pulses and flashes as it attacks one of the invaders.
Pixel: Ha ha! Gotcha!
Computer: What did ya do to it?
Pixel: Fried it with a nano energy burst. How many are still on board?
Computer: Well, there were two dozen before, you and a cleaning bot each caught one, so do the math.
Pixel: Could you please lose the attitude at a time like this?
Computer: Oh, fine.
A bit later, Dealer’s ship is helping some other Lechuga ships deal with the Mosquito Armada. Most of the Mosquito Armada are fleeing once they get their systems back online, while others remain immobile. Dealer is attempting to contact one of the Lechuga Subprime ships.
Dealer: The nerve to not answer my call after they….
Voice comes over Dealer’s ship’s speakers.
Voice: Hello?
Dealer: Hey, this is Dealer from Lechuga Prime.
Voice interrupts: Do you have me on speaker?
Dealer: Yeah…
Voice: I hate that!
Dealer: So you guys found some new violence-based culture to team up with and attack peaceful anarchists?
Tom (mockingly): And a bunch of little mosquitoes, too.
Dealer (to Tom): Hey, stay out of this, new guy!
Voice: We have formed a mutually beneficial alliance with Lord Emperor President Chancellor Dominus Khan’s Grand Universal Empire of the Splat Culture.
Blackjack: Why do control freaks always love fancy titles?
Pokher: Truly baffling.
Blue: Lechuga Subprime is a member of CUPGASS. Do they know about this alliance you’ve got going on? And I didn’t get your name.
Voice: Captain Slipup.
Tom laughs hysterically. He’s given quizzical looks. Blue pulses disapprovingly.
Captain Slipup: You wouldn’t report me to CUPGASS about this, would you?
Blackjack: I’d never ask a giant mafia for help. We’ll handle our own problems.
Dealer: Tell ya what, Captain Slipup. Call the rest of the Mosquito Armada….
Captain Slipup interrupts: How dare you insult the Lord Emperor…
Dealer interrupts: Enough with the fancy titles! Call off the Mosquito Hordes from pursuing The Blazing Muffin, and we’ll let you go.
Captain Slipup: We have you outnumbered!
Dealer: Incorrect. Had us outnumbered. Past tense. Check your sensors. There are 20 ships from Lechuga Prime now within weapons range of you. Ships much bigger than mosquitoes, and with more advanced tech. We’ve got anti-engine heat resistant goo guns, quantum-flip pulse torpedoes, warbling sonic shockwave cannons, not to mention our secret weapons…..
Captain Slipup: Just a moment. I’ll talk with Captain Stingus.
Tom: They’ll back off, right?
Pokher: They should, unless they have a death wish.
Captain Slipup returns to the screen: We will allow your ship to return.
Blackjack: Stop scrambling the communication with my ship. I want proof.
A moment later, a call comes in from The Blazing Muffin.
Pixel: Hey guys. I’m on my way back.
Pokher: Are you ok?
Pixel: Tired of hunting mosquitoes, but other than that, I’m fine.
Blackjack: And the ship?
Computer: Minor damage to the shields, and we’re down a couple of cleaning bots.
Blackjack: Dealer, let me talk to Captain Slipup again.
Captain Slipup reappears (annoyed): You again?
Blackjack: You’re the one that helped coordinate an attack on my ship! The nerve...Anyway, my ship lost some cleaning bots because of your hordes of mosquito marauders. You need to replace them.
Captain Slipup: But we don’t use cleaning bots.
Blue: That’s disgusting.
Pokher: But you are aware of what a cleaning bot is, and can build them, right?
Captain Slipup (defiant): Nope.
Dealer: You’re a terrible liar. I know enough about my distant cousins to know that they can build a cleaning bot on Lechuga Subprime.
Captain Slipup: Oh, all right. You’ll have them by tomorrow.
Dealer: Tonight will be better.
Captain Slipup: All right, but the Lord Emperor….
Dealer: I said enough with the fancy titles!
Later that night, the Mosquito Armada has retreated and new cleaning bots have been delivered to The Blazing Muffin. The whole crew is back on board.
Pokher: Pixel, you did well.
Pixel: See? Aren’t you glad you didn’t leave the new guy behind? No offense, Tom.
Tom: Yeah, whatever.
Blackjack: Ok, let’s get back down to the surface and have some Lechuga Prime Libations!
Tom: I do love me some libations!
Blue: Just be careful, Tom. Lechugas are famous for their drinking games.
The Blazing Muffin starts descending to the surface.
Tom: Hey, why didn’t we just land in the first place?
Everyone does facepalm equivalent.
Meanwhile, on board Captain Stingus’s ship, Captain Stingus is on a call with Lord Emperor President Chancellor Dominus Khan’s Grand Imperial Military Strategist and Chef, Lord General Spiteus Maximus.
Stingus: Our mission was a partial success.
Spiteus: Which means a partial failure.
Stingus: We managed to gather enough information from the interior of their ship so that we may copy some of their technology.
Spiteus: I suppose you did well enough to be spared your position within the hierarchy.
Stingus: Thank you, my lord.
Spiteus: But not promoted.
Stingus: Understood, my lord.
Spiteus: You should really work on your groveling skills.
Stingus: Yes, my lord.
Spiteus: Long live Lord Emperor President Chancellor Dominus Khan’s Grand Universal Empire of the Splat Culture.
Stingus: Long live Lord Emperor President Chancellor Dominus Khan’s Grand Universal Empire of the Splat Culture.
Communication terminates.
End Episode 3
Thanks for your time and attention!
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