How often do we tell ourselves that we can't do something when the reality is that it's just a way of avoiding pain or discomfort? For example, last weekend I just caught myself saying in my head, "poor me. I can't listen to what I want on the radio, with my parents in the car during the ride."
Yes, I could have. This is my car. I could say "love you, mom and dad, but this is what I like to listen to on trips and this comforts me." But the truth is that they would not have understood it, they would ask me questions about it, they would question its validity, and I would have to do lots of 'splaining that would probably still result in dissatisfaction for both parties. (I wanted to listen to Osho podcasts...tantric yoga wisdom.)
So what I unconsciously chose was a mental avoidance shortcut, telling myself "you can't listen to what you want with them", to avoid that anticipated difficult experience. I was also choosing not to cause my parents discomfort or ruffle their feathers. It's truly not that I can't or I'm not allowed to listen a program in my car as I first told myself. It's just avoiding the discomfort that comes when my mind jumps ahead and envisions people's anticipated judgement!
Not saying I was right or wrong in my decision not to listen to Osho with them. Maybe it would have opened their minds? Maybe conflict would ultimately bring us closer? Or, maybe it was nice just to keep the peace and bond together with my Dad's favorite oldies station playing for 3 hours. It doesn't really matter. I'm just trying to be awake and to be mindful of my own self-talk here, and sharing what I noticed which is how much bullshit we tell ourselves to avoid discomfort.
photo credits: images are of me and taken by 