Sometimes I share my thoughts or experiences with a group of friends or coworkers, and unexpectedly get a quick response of validation. When it’s not sought and not expected like that I feel pleased, surprised, and humbled that anyone is watching my process.
Other times, I write something out for myself that’s longer, “bigger”, and then I drum up the nerve to share it with the group...and nothing comes. Just silence for a while. And I wait. And I check. And I REREAD what I posted to see if it was okay.
Why do we seek feedback and validation (aka looking for a response) even on a post about no longer needing feedback and validation? 😆
Sometimes our thoughts go, “ it’s not that I need validation. Fuck them! I don’t need their approval anymore. It’s just connection I crave now. I’m just trying to make sure my message went out and was heard. That’s all...”
I think that’s still ego.
Basically, ego doesn’t exist beyond the voice in our head. Our bodies are inhabited by a little spark of life force called consciousness. Our bodies are just tools through which that little spark of consciousness operates within and gets to experience the world. Consciousness just seeks to be, to bloom and to flow. It just wants to experience... anything...everything! It has no capacity for discernment, judgment, or categorizing good versus bad or up versus down.
That’s where ego comes in. It’s a greedy, hungry data intake machine. It’s a parasite along for the ride thinking it’s driving. It keeps track of where and how its little unit of consciousness is oriented among all the other little units/humans in space, time, and accumulation of stuff.
Mmm... so even when ego quiets down and consciousness has a MOMENT of relative silence to “be” and to express the experience of being (like making a comment amongst friends about not needing approval anymore) ego hears that shit and rouses! Like a sleepy disoriented child it wakes and start chattering:
“what? Did you just say something to the group? Let me see what you said… Damn, that’s good except you should’ve said this, and maybe not have said that. Why aren’t they responding? ...Wow you posted that several minutes ago and they are NOT responding. Refresh. Refresh! Probably because of the should and should not I pointed out. Can we just delete !? You should have asked me before you posted that. Maybe you shouldn’t have posted at all… blah blah blah” 🤯😫😂
Ego rarely shut up! It’s job is to constantly evaluate where its host human stands in space and time and on the social and economic hierarchy because those are REAL to it! It basically functions as a psychological proprioceptor. It’s just trying to keep you safe, face you towards what it thinks is upright, and as high up on its scale of judgment as it can.
So the experience of life seems to be a packaged deal. Consciousness gets to experience the wonder of life by manifesting via a physical body that can see, hear, smell, taste, touch and make love...and ego comes along for the ride judging, clinging, bitching and occasionally high-fiving itself. Best we can do is learn to discern which one is driving moment to moment.
