I like normal. I love weekends where there are no special events, no trips planned, no soccer games to attend, no holidays to celebrate, etc. Just plain, low key, old normal. 🙌🏽
And yet I keep adding events. Sometimes I think to myself, "can't we just have a break?!" when the upcoming weekend is over booked. But much of these activities I booked myself! Last year we went for it and started a business with a friend who was ready. This year we are blooming pulling up our 47 year old roots and moving our lives to Puerto Rico!! What's going on here?
I say I crave "normal," but really dynamic change seems to be my new normal.
I'm not complaining. I have grown more in the last year than ever before due to all of these changes. I was so introverted only 14 months ago that I nearly had a few panic attacks when I realized people were going to know that I was one of the yoga center's business owners. (I just wanted to stay safe and comfortable in my "I'm only a student" role. Hiding from truth...)
In the last 16 months we've gotten a puppy, started up a little yoga business with a friend, our twins graduated high school, we had a friend move in to live with us in our home to help with the yoga business, our little business became bigger when we decided to acquire land and renovate a building for it, our boys moved off to separate colleges, we were audited by the IRS for 6 months, we decided to purchase a large RV and build a mega structure in which to store it, our friend quit the yoga job and moved out of our house, yoga business finally opened, now we've decided to sell our house with mega RV structure, continue to contribute to the yoga business from afar, and move our life to Puerto Rico. This does not sound like the life of someone who does not like change.
Looking at all that 👆🏼, I guess the truth is more like a conflict. I do love normal, routine, and predictable. But I have a hard time saying "no" to my dreams. It's almost like I crave quiet and excitement at the same time.
I saw a really renowned psychic/intuitive counselor a few years ago. This guy was the real deal. I waited 2 years for my appointment. When we finally met up he shared many meaningful insights with me. One was that I am "the most introverted extrovert that he had ever met." That seems about right. Part of me longs to stay dry and safe on the shore, but I also seem compelled to keep dipping my toe in the waters of life. And more and more lately if the right wave comes along… The one that I've secretly long for… I jump on and ride it.
Only in writing all that 👆🏼out just now do I see the impetus behind all the change. It's two things. One, finding my center… Getting clear on who I am, my life purpose and acknowledging what my dreams actually are. And two, no longer hiding any of that.