I'm busy now trying to think of a new country I can insult. I'm running out of nationalities I can take the piss out of. I've overdone the cheese eating surrender monkeys, that's for sure. In 1971 when President Nixon declared war on drugs, the French were the first to lay down their arms and capitulate. I don't think I've had a really good go at the German's. Who even as I write this are planning the next global war. I don't trust them. They bombed my parents you know. Possibly because of something they said. My mum and dad did have a habit of upsetting people. They liked to think of it as a hobby. They wouldn't take payment, they'd take the piss. Unless your British you don't really get to take the piss. Unless your Australian you don't come the raw prawn. That's racist that is. Not allowing other nationalities to have your idioms. Although if an American took the piss, they'd be found guilty of cultural appropriation. There'd be a Twitter storm. They'd have to apologize then resign. Then carry on apologizing for the rest of their lives. Nobody gets forgiven for cultural appropriation.
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Getting back to those warmongering Krauts though, why do they keep changing their flag? Pick a flag and stick to it. Alright you've shitty stuff. And everytime they do shitty stuff they change their flag. Hoping that this will somehow make people forget the shitty stuff they did. Two world wars. The nerve gas attacks. Bombing civilians. Killing 11 million people in concentration camps. And worst of all, buying David Hasselhoff's albums. We still remember. Don't think anyone is fooled because you've suddenly changed your national flag. We know who you are. We know what you've done. I know the Americans have changed their flag a few times, but that's different. They were only adding more stars. You could still see it was the same flag more or less.
The British have done even shittier stuff, but at least they've kept the same flag. They aren't pretending they're a different, nicer country. Mainly because they don't give a fuck what anyone else thinks of them. It's all part of being British. The country is a damp lump of shit, lets spread as much misery as we can. Share our misery with other nations.
Another thing I really don't understand about the Germans is, why do they keep invading Belgium? Have you ever been there? It's even shittier than Britain and there's fuck all to do all day except eat chocolates. Half the country speaks French, so it's already surrendered. The other half speaks something that requires so much phlegm, it's called Flemish That's almost as bad as being Welsh. I've got nothing against the Welsh personally. It's just that I' never go there or speak to one of them.
Then there's the whole Netherlands thing. That's another mystery. Why is it full of Dutch people and also called Holland? Again, make your fucking mind up. Stop dicking about. Pick a name and stick with it. Have some kind of common link between your nation and your nationality. Even Belgium's got Belgians in it for fuck sake. What's the Netherlands got? Hordes of Dutch people. Where did they come from? I've never ever heard of a country called Dutch. My favorite story about the Dutch is the one where they bought the island of Manhattan from the Indians for some cheap beads. There was also beer involved. Now the story is always told as if the Indians were simple savages and the smart Dutch people put one over on them. In reality those Indians who they bought the island off didn't own it. They didn't live there. They were only passing through. Further proof the Dutch have no idea what they are doing.
Hopefully I've offended enough people to be getting on with. I might think of other people I can insult tomorrow. Of course I will. I'm not done yet and as soon as I've run out of a minority to offend I'll start over again at the beginning. Think about it. There are estimated to be 1.2 billion Muslims on the planet and they are a minority. If that's a minority then everyone is a minority. Only a minority of the planets population are Dutch or German or French.