The worst thing about something wonderful happening to you, is that all too soon it stops happening. She'd been embracing me for a long time. Not long enough. Holding me close while she spoke to me, I could smell her sweet breath. Feel it wash over my face. I knew she didn't love me. I knew that no one ever could love me. That didn't matter, because there was no doubt she cared. The hospital staff, to some extent Child Services and the fosterers cared. They were paid to. Why am I being so picky? Unless you've been there you'll never understand. It's different. The disappointment I felt, when she finally released me from her grip, cannot be overestimated. The warm glow that remained in my filthy tortured soul was all I needed to cope.
Now that my senses were returning to normal I was able to contemplate what I'd agreed to. What had I agreed to exactly? Believing I was walking a tightrope, I was afraid to ask the questions popping into my head. Taking me by the hand Ms Goodbody led me into the living area seating me at the table. It was time for a late lunch. This time as she set the sandwich and juice before me, Crystal was watching me like a hawk. Imagine how self conscious I felt and you won't even come close. I daren't touch it. Exhibiting more of my deviant mannerisms might break the fragile spell, which was all that was keeping me there. Noticing my reticence and cleverly working out its cause, she got up and fetched herself something to eat. Same sandwich. Not as well made. Thrown together compared to the masterpiece before me. It was a shame to eat it. I did pick it up, eventually. She absentmindedly checked her cellphone. Crystal's brow furrowed.
"Son of a bitch." Her attention moved back to me. "I'm sorry kid. I forgot all about this. I meant to show you back at the cemetery. What with everything else it completely slipped my mind." She slid the phone over to me then pressed play on the video she'd brought up. The image was shaky at first. Became even more shaky as it zoomed in. The two blurs became a pair of eagles wheeling together in the sky. At which point she must have found something to steady her hands. "I saw them way up in the sky while we were there.... I thought maybe we could pretend it was your mom and dad. Keeping an eye on you? I really am so sorry I didn't point them out while we were there." She winced as she concluded.
"This is perfect, thank you. I wouldn't have been able to see them clearly without the zoom and if you'd given your phone to me I wouldn't have this clip. Let's pretend it's my parents watching over me."
"Wow. You said that like you meant it. There's gotta be a little bit of humanity in there somewhere." She smiled.
My face creaked into a very poor imitation of one. It hurt. Muscles that hadn't been used in months, getting a workout.
"May I take a copy of this please?"
"Of course. I made it for you, it's yours. You don't mind if I keep it do you? I think it's pretty dope. Is that still a word?"
I nodded. Then rattled off my number. I had to repeat it before Crystal could enter the 10 digits. Off in the distance my phone beeped. Only I didn't know that was my phone until she pointed it out to me.
"Sorry Ms Goodbody. I've never heard the alerts or the ringer. No one's ever contacted me or sent me anything." Seeing the sadness that touched her shuttered eyes I hurried on. "Who is Stella, what does she do?"
She was up instantly. Walking over to the indoor phone she drummed her fingers on the table it sat on.
"She's a friend." The words were being crowbarred out. "And she's a therapist."
"I don't do therapy." I responded flatly.
More so than intended. I hoped I hadn't come across as hostile.
"This won't be therapy. You don't even have to speak to her if you don't want to. She's very good. Helped out a friend of mine with some serious issues."
"This friend? Did the therapist cure them?"
"Cure isn't the word I'd use." Her fingers drummed faster. "Cope? Yes that's more like it. Some things can't be cured, but you can learn to cope with them better." She took a sneaky peep to see if I was swallowing this.
"I don't have to speak to her?"
"No. You wouldn't speak to her anyway, would you? I'll be doing all the talking and if I stray into anything you don't like you can stop me. I promise I will not tell her anything you don't want me to."
"Fine. I'll do it."
Still peering back at me carefully, her brow wrinkled.
"Would you have talked to her if I asked?"
"Yes. But only in monosyllables. I don't do therapy."
"Damn." She spun slowly to face me. "Could we renegotiate?"
"No." My face hurt itself again. "The contracts already been made."
"Probably for the best." Her cell rang. "That'll be her I expect."
Crystal preempted anything the therapist friend was about to say after her very jovial greeting. Pointing out that there were little ears present and she was on speaker phone. I suppose my ears were relatively small. To a 12 year old though, little ears are a lot younger than they are. Using the broadest brush strokes possible, my foster carer described the situation. My parents being killed in an accident. Me taking days to trek through the Rockies. I nodded along as the scene was set out. Stella had been silent through this. Kidding about her hourly rates and checking certain details. Including the fact I was a boy. Which appeared to throw her. There was a list of my weirdnesses. Including not being a human anymore.
"You say he's there with you now?" The therapist queried.
"Yep. I'm keeping him in the loop. He's keeping me honest, by steering me away from anything he doesn't want to share."
"Well Cris, I really should meet with him before I say anything. Is he determined that isn't going to happen?"
"Damn right Stella. And I think you should be glad of that. This little guy spent weeks being probed by a Dr Kozlowski. When he gave up this little trooper told the doctor his biography."
"Holy shi.. crap. I heard something about that. No details, it's all confidential. Kozlowski had to take two weeks off to recover. This is the kid they placed with you?"
I detected the concern in Stella's voice. She'd heard tales of the monster child.
"Doctor? Your concern for Ms Goodbody is admirable. My reputation is exaggerated. I do not represent a threat to her."
Crystal looked at me aghast. I'd spoken to a therapist."
"It's Luke isn't it? Luke Hunt?"
"Yes."
"There are things you're unaware of Luke. Things which complicate matters. It's not so much you I'm concerned about in that way..."
"Please don't continue doctor. You've already given away far too much."
"What do you mean?" She sounded insulted. Disbelieving.
"I know that you are or have been providing Ms Goodbody with your professional services. The "friend" she said you'd helped is in fact her. I obviously know that my gender plays a critical role in your concerns, in addition to the fact I am a horrible aberration. Do you wish me to continue? From the background noises I can tell your offices are situated..."
"Okay, okay, okay. Part of me wants to run away and a bigger piece would love to get to grips with you Luke. Only I can't afford the time off to recuperate."
"I did warn you Stella." Crystal added. "He's here with me for the next 3 months, until they do a review. I'm fine with it. He and I have a freaky groove going on. I'm not even sure what it is. Shit I don't understand most of the big words he uses. What does monosyllabic mean for example?"
The smile must have come through in her voice, because the doctor chuckled.
"Fine. There are so many things wrong with me doing this I couldn't even begin to list them. And if I did it would probably provide him with my home address and shoe size. I hope to hell you know what you're doing Cris."
My heart was doing somersaults in my chest. Three months? I didn't care that there were dozens of stipulations and conditions Child Services had placed on this. I knew Crystal had committed herself to me for that period. They could have clubbed me over the head then dragged me out of there and I'd have woken up with a face breaking grin. I'd touched someone for the first time since emerging from hell. Or maybe she'd touched me, because that seemed more fitting. What was I compared to her? There'd been a long silence there.
"Not entirely sure Stella. But I gotta few ideas I'm gonna try. With a little help from you. Off the clock?"
"Sure Cris. Why would I need to eat?"
I was only half listening to the conversation that followed. Far too busy contemplating 90 days of being here. Potentially. A host of problems could turn up in that amount of time. Any single one of which could see me thrown back into the system for reprocessing. I determined to do everything I could to ensure this placement went on for as long as possible. I heard some of what they discussed. Despite my reservations I could tell Stella was an excellent therapist. It also confirmed my belief Crystal was insightful and extremely intelligent. Especially emotionally. If further proof were necessary, towards the end she said something which struck me as being a perfect truth.
"The way I see it Stella, is this. A little boy was alone in the wilderness. He's still out there. Lost on that mountain. I'm going to do my damndest to find him and bring him home."