Clear The Way. Man With An Existential Crisis Coming Through.

You know people are always going on about having had a life changing experience. Well I've just had an underwear changing experience. That's similar to a life changing experience except something actually changes. In this case it was was my underwear. Life changing experiences? Generally the only change they produce in anyone is that they keep going on about their life changing experience. Let's be brutally honest here. How many people do you know whose lives have been altered by a life changing experience? If they have, it's something of the nature of taking up knitting as a hobby. Either that or the life changing experience was 25 years in prison or losing both legs. People don't change that much unless they really have to. Our meat computers programming insists on that. Those addicted to drugs or alcohol, or anything, don't stop being addicts. All that happens is they become addicted to something else. Their lizard brains discover another way to get that shot of pleasure hormones. In the real world for example, millions are now addicted to trolling. They get a buzz out of being hateful.

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Of course after you've had an underwear changing experience, you look at life differently. You have a different understanding of what's real and important. And when you go through bad moments you can thoughtfully reflect on the fact you've been through worse than this. Last week my underwear was dirty. Now I have clean underwear. Yesterday the gusset of my underpants was sticking to my balls like super glue. Today my scrotum is minty fresh and some air is reaching my dry testicles.

Ordinarily I'd now delve into women's underwear. Unfortunately, despite the need for sexual equality, I can't do that. My knowledge of women's underwear is solely based on obtaining access to the contents of it. Women have more underwear than men, where's the equality in that? I'm not allowed to look at bras anymore. Not since the incident. I know I got a bit over excited but there was no need for them to call the police. If she'd just waited a moment I would have removed myself from her bedroom and returned the lingerie to her drawers. Those stains had nothing to do with me. I'm not going to go into the full details of it, that would take far too long to explain. I will continue to maintain that the few survivors were obviously severely traumatized and this affected their memories of what actually happened.

If you've had an underwear changing experience I expect there's a helpline you can call or a therapist you can consult. Underwear changing experiences can also be life changing experiences. As I found when I got a nasty stomach bug while holidaying in Turkey. It was coming out of both ends. Water went through me like the Niagara Falls was up my ass. To this very day there are farts I have to hold back. Buttocks clenched I race to the nearest convenience. It might not be the runs, but I can't take the risk. The consequences would be horrendous. Possibly fatal to anyone who witnessed the event. That stomach bug was an event. Luckily word of it didn't reach the media. Otherwise they'd have had camera crews in that Turkish bathroom and people would have been shoving microphones in my face.

That day changed my life forever. Now I have to stay within sprinting distance of a toilet. It left scars, that's what you take from this. Badly affected my confidence and led to my divorce from reality. We'd been alright up to then. Now we can't bear being in the same room. We only contact one another via our lawyers. That's how life changing and underwear changing experience can be. Be warned.