Kill ‘em with Kindness! 😊

I was drinking one of those Honest Green Teas at lunch, which is basically a cold, unsweetened green tea and there was a quote on the inside of the bottle cap which read:

“Do not be so sweet that people will eat you up, nor so bitter that they will spit you out” – Pashto folk saying

This quote resonates with me! Why?

Well because time & time again, people tell me that I’m too nice. And I don’t believe that!

EDIT

I’m an IT consultant by trade which means that I get to travel frequently for work and with teams of consultants from all over the world. The experience is amazing!

And when people say that I'm too nice, it's not usually a complement. They mean it in a derogatory way, being weak, a push over, and somebody that puts up with everything and let's people walk all over them.

Here are 3 reasons why I don’t think that I am too nice:

1. Thrive in challenging situations and I put myself out there

I moved abroad straight after University to a foreign place and I built up my network. I ignored comments from my peers about being too far from friends/family, and leaving an exciting city to move to a quieter place. People didn’t get it. Fast forward to now, I’m on a fast track with my career and can see myself making great money in 5-10 years’ time. Plus, it’s really rewarding and with every new challenge, I keep on growing!

2. Speak up when things aren’t right or when somebody is treating me badly

Sometimes, you find yourself working with rude or disrespectful people. It’s very hard when you’re starting out in your career and somebody very senior is treating you badly. I discussed it with some of my peers and a few people told me that there’s nothing that I can do. I can’t talk to management, because they’ve been in the company a lot longer than me and I’m too junior.

What kind of advice is this? I went against that, took matters into my own hands, spoke to Management, painted a clear picture of what was going on and how it was affecting me and the team, and gave an ultimatum that if this is going to be the situation for the next year or two, then I don’t wish to be part of this anymore. Management reacted immediately, changed my project, and realized that people that previously worked with this colleague actually left the company due to being negatively affected and losing their motivation. They congratulated me for speaking up, and it brought us a lot closer together.

3. Quit my Job last year in the hope to chase a bigger opportunity

This was extremely hard to do. I liked my company, I liked the challenges, but I wanted more money. I took a risk in the hope to be able to start my own company. Unfortunately, things didn’t work out as planned and I ended up returning to the same job and they took me straight back. Wasn’t easy to leave and say my goodbyes, and it was even harder to return but I did it because it was the right thing to do!

There are people that I work with who have been there for almost 10 years and they are constantly complaining. But they are too scared to make a move. If something brings you so much unhappiness, then change it. It’s not healthy to be unhappy for so long. Else, don’t complain constantly and bring others down.

Good Values

Nowadays, people tend to confuse “good values” with being nice but I think they are different. I was lucky to grow up with good values. And I have my Family to thank for that. They were caring, supportive and encouraged me to do the following:

Avoid being dishonest and don't lie, cheat or steal

They taught me that if I do something wrong, then I should own up to it and face the music!

Not think about money at the beginning of my career

They taught me that experience beats money and as you build up more experience, then the real money will come later! And this can be applied to Steemit too, if you think about the idea of reinvesting in the platform and purchasing Steem Power

Get an education, even if I didn’t want to study right now

They taught me that a degree opens up so many doors and once you have that, you can pursue almost any career that you like. And they were so right! I wanted to travel and do something exciting and meaningful, but my parents pushed me into finishing my studies while still young. And I am so grateful that they did this because now I have an exciting career, financial independence and I’m constantly learning. Plus, I have been able to travel so much with my job that I am happy to travel less and stay grounded in one place!

Be smarter with money!

They taught me to save money and avoid spending everything all at once on things that I don’t need. They taught me that it isn’t good to barely survive and go from pay-check to pay check and they tried to keep me away from borrowing money and getting into debt. I am proud to say that the only debt that I have right now is my student loan, and I hope to have that paid off in the next 5 years. If it works out for me on Steemit, then I hope that I can pay it off within 2 years!

Having a supportive Family growing up has helped to instil good values within me. However, we don’t all have the luxury of that and sometimes, we are surrounded by negative people or bad influences.

Negative influences and multiple bad experiences may distort our values and ultimately change our personality over time. Nevertheless, we do have some control over who we hang around with. We can make a choice or a conscious decision to surround ourselves by people that bring out the best in us, motivate us and encourage us to succeed! We all need that.

And I can see on Steemit that positivity, kindness and motivation is popular, so this community will do us all some good. I know that spending less time on Facebook and more time on Steemit has done wonders for my mood and inspiration.

Last man standing!

Here’s a nice story from my current project. I am the most junior on the team, and only working with Senior Consultants from different countries. There are 3 people on the team, let’s call them:

(a) Mrs. Relaxed
(b) Mr. Grumpy
(c) Miss Toxic

I was excited to have the opportunity to work with them as they have far more experience than me. I’m just 27 and they are in their mid 30s, and one of them almost 40! So naturally, they have a lot more to offer in terms of actual solution experience, and I was hoping for more!

But guess what? Their attitude stinks!

Mrs. Relaxed criticised me for being too stressed out and told me to relax more and not take work so seriously. We were paired together on the same topic and she just wasn’t delivering. I had to take work home on weekends and catch up in the evenings. I reached out to my Boss but before he could intervene, she was fired from the project 2 weeks later by one of the managers for delivering bad quality work. It didn’t go unnoticed.

Mr. Grumpy was extremely angry all the time. He had no time for me or my questions and would get annoyed if I asked him about solution concepts. This was an area that I hadn’t worked with before, so naturally I needed the guidance from a senior. And he was fully aware of that!

His mood swings were getting to me, so I tried to distance myself from him and go around him. I found a way to get the answers that I needed, by reaching out to people from other projects. 3 weeks later, he was fired from the project for being a know-it-all/smart-ass and talking to the Business in a condescending manner. He was stupid enough to put it in an email that got circulated among Management.

Rule – you can’t talk to the Customer like that, especially if they are paying for your services!

Finally, let’s talk about Miss Toxic. She was a nasty piece of work and spoke badly about everybody. Spending too much time around her was mentally draining. I found out from colleagues that she spoke badly about me behind my back, and that’s when I started to keep my distance. She frequently told me that “I’m too junior”.

Well guess what happened just before Christmas?

She was asked not to return to the project. The customer didn’t want her anymore. They didn’t like her attitude and her work deliverables weren’t up to scratch.

You know what that means?

Your boy right here is the last man standing! Mr. Too Nice 😊

So Kill ‘em with Kindness!

My message is clear.

You don’t have to be moody, short-tempered, rude or demeaning to be successful. You can follow the values that you believe in and stick to your guns! Leave the moody, angry and toxic people behind you and don’t stoop to their level. Keep moving forward and carve your own path!

Surround yourself by positivity and like-minded individuals that motivate and help you become a better person! Life is short so make the most of it. If you’re not happy in the current situation then don’t let too much time pass. Change it if you must!

And if somebody tells you that you’re “too nice” just think about it. What do they mean? Challenge it if you must but don’t accept it immediately! If they’re just saying it because you’re well-mannered or polite, then take that as a complement. You have good values, and there’s nothing wrong with that!

Steemians, kill ‘em with kindness!